Ownership
by phantominkgecko
Summary: Inspired by a scene in Sherlock. Q twists Janeway around his finger using Chakotay as bait.
1. The Threat

**Ownership**

_I received inspiration for this story while watching Sherlock. In the finale of the third season, there was a scene that was so singularly disconcerting it haunted my mind constantly. Finally my cousin told me to write a fic about it. And I complied. So, while this dialogue and such aren't anything to do with Sherlock, elements of this are almost identical to the Sherlock scene. Don't hate me._

* * *

Everything was in order as Captain Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room, poring over reports. Nothing terribly exciting had happened for weeks now. An energy rich nebula here, a peaceful first contact there, standard maintenance checks there. Just mundane ship life. Voyager's captain certainly wasn't complaining. A slow crawl back to the Alpha Quadrant was preferable to casualties and setbacks.

But she should have known something was going to wreak havoc on routine. Should have been prepared for a hiccup in the status quo.

A mildly familiar sound drew her attention from the PADD in her hand.

"Q?" she said, surprised but wary. As she reached for her combadge, the infuriating man snapped his fingers, and she found herself unable to move anything but her face.

"Let me go, Q!" she snarled, leveling him the best glare she could manage given the fact she couldn't so much as turn her head in his direction.

"Oh, Kathy dear," Q said, shaking his head and swaggering towards her. "I'm afraid we don't have time for the little security game today. I will be needing your undivided attention and your full cooperation."

He sat next to her at the desk, conjuring a chair for himself. He reached forth a hand to Janeway's, pulling it away from her chest and setting it on the table between them.

"Hands off, Q" Janeway demanded, rolling her eyes. "If this is another deluded attempt to woo me, I advise you to save yourself the trouble and leave my ship at once. It won't work."

Q smirked. And though she could only see it in her peripheral vision, Janeway noticed a difference. This was neither his mischievous grin nor a saucy smile. There was something dark and unforgiving in his countenance. It sent a shiver down her spine.

Acting as if he hadn't heard her, Q began addressing Janeway as if he were giving a lecture. "On my previous visits, I was just teasing you about Chuckles. Anything to get a rise out of my favorite bipedal captain." He dropped his voice to a lascivious whisper. "You're delicious when you're annoyed, Kathy."

"What's your point?" Janeway snarled. Chakotay was the last thing she wanted to discuss with Q, or anybody for that matter.

"I've done my research since then, Kathy dearest," Q said, continuing his speech. "That tattooed oaf has a special place in your heart, doesn't he, Kathy?"

Janeway clenched her jaw. She wasn't sure where Q was going with this, and she was afraid to find out. The gleam in his eye filled her with dread.

"I've got real leverage now, love." Q tightened his hold on her hand. "The obvious choice is to threaten your precious crew. But you always weasel yourself out of ship-wide catastrophes, don't you? Lady Luck is on your side, and she's a formidable foe even for a Q. No, using the crew doesn't work. Even though you'd do anything for them, undeserving as they are, putting them in danger won't do it."

Janeway wasn't entirely sure she was following Q's rambling, but she was sure he would soon be coming to a sinister conclusion. In vain, she struggled to remove her hand from his. She couldn't produce so much as a twitch.

"Some infernal force in the cosmos won't let me do away with your whole crew, Kathy, but I'm certain I'd be able to fix circumstances around one individual without a hitch."

"What are you getting at, Q?" Kathryn asked, ice in her voice. A silly question, really. His intentions were clearing up. But she couldn't think of anything better to say. She hoped her tone would convey the message she was really sending.

However, instead of answering, Q pulled up the sleeve of her uniform and stroked his fingers along her forearm. When she made an involuntary sound of disgust, he raised her arm to his nose and sniffed her wrist.

"My, my, Kathy. Is there any part of you that doesn't smell like coffee?"

Janeway found she could suddenly move her arm again, so she tugged it away from Q's grasp. Unfortunately, it was immobilized once more as soon as she'd pulled it to her chest.

"I need your help, Kathy," Q continued, his voice dangerously low. "And you're going to give it. Because if you don't I have a delectable fate in store for your little Chuckles. It won't be a decision so easy as Chuckles or the crew. I know your answer for that one. You're too predictable with all your principles." He laughed softly to himself. "No. Chakotay will simply live or die, depending on your willingness to assist me. No loopholes. No interference from karma."

Kathryn struggled to maintain a neutral glare. But her lower lip trembled. And her eyes had grown far too wide. Her breathing too shallow.

"Aren't you going to call security? Sic your Vulcan on me?"

Again, Janeway found she was in control of her right arm. But her hand hovered over her combadge.

"I'm glad you understand, dear," Q gloated. "I have Chakotay's life, and therefore, I have you."

"You can't blackmail me, Q," Janeway said as defiantly as was possible with her heart in her throat.

"Oh." Q rose to place his face beside hers, where she could barely see him. "This isn't blackmail. This is ownership."

"You do not own me," Janeway hissed. Being able to see only a fraction of his face from the corner of her eye was putting her into a sort of small panic. Her heart raced and her blood pulsed painfully. She thought he was going to kiss her. Ravage her mouth as she sat frozen.

What actually happened was worse.

He licked her.

She felt his tongue drag slowly from her chin to her cheekbone, dip next to her eye and stop at her brow.

And she understood.

A memory, countless memories, from childhood flooded her mind.

_"Katie," her sister whines. "Give it to me. You've already got one."_

_ "No," she answers, holding the item—an apple, a popsicle, a toy, a treat, countless objects—just out of her sister's reach. "It's mine." And she gives the item a good lick to deter her sister from taking it. To mark it as her own._

"Even your face, Kathy," Q said, sticking out his tongue in distaste. "You really should go easier on that coffee."

Janeway said nothing. Even if she'd wanted to, shock had closed her throat. She could barely breathe. The saliva on her face seemed to burn.

"I'll be back with the intricacies of my request later, love," Q said, standing and stretching a bit. "Watch yourself, Kathy."

With a snap, he released the invisible bind on her. Still, she did not move. Only when he was gone, well and surely gone, did she allow herself to react.

She crumpled onto her desk with a sob, rubbing at the violated side of her face. She was so afraid, more than she'd ever been. But she didn't have the privilege of dealing only with her fear.

Shame beat at her insides. Shame she'd allowed herself to be caught in Q's clutches. Shame she was weak.

She needed a sonic shower. But even that wouldn't wash away what had just happened.


	2. The Anticipation

Entering the bridge was a mistake. There were other ways to reach her quarters. Command could have been shifted to Chakotay via the comm. system. But Janeway was hardly thinking clearly.

As it was, she ventured from her ready room in a sort of numb shock. The only thought in her head was to be clean. But she stopped mid-stride when she caught sight of her first officer. He had an inviting smile on his face as he usually did. But that smile seemed a weapon to the captain, and she reacted accordingly.

The smile dissolved when Chakotay took a good look at her.

"Captain?" He moved swiftly toward her.

She stumbled back against a bulkhead and braced herself upon it before croaking, "The bridge is yours." And she fled before he was able to reach her.

Janeway tore into her quarters, her breathing irregular. She felt as if her mind was somehow disconnected from her body. Like she was floating from location to location instead of running.

"Computer," she gasped, "Seal Captain's quarters, Janeway Pi one one zero."

"Quarters sealed."

Her next target was the bathroom. "Begin sonic shower." She didn't bother undressing before entering. She just needed to be clean immediately. She found her legs could no longer support her, so she slid down the shower wall to sit with her knees tucked almost to her chin. When the shower sequence ended, she felt only infinitesimally better.

She peeled away her uniform and ordered the computer to fill the bath in a whisper. The water was scalding when she lowered herself into it. Good. Her tense muscles slowly began to soften, and Kathryn finally allowed herself to think.

She tried to convince herself that Q didn't have as tight a grip on her as he thought. But every time she began to assemble an argument, Chakotay's face flooded her mind. Seeing him on the bridge—so soon after the encounter with Q—broke her heart. He was a symbol of her weakness, and for that she was afraid of him. Afraid of what she'd do for him. She hated it. Hated that Q had found this weakness. Hated that she was pathetic enough to care so deeply for Chakotay. Despite all that she couldn't be angry at him. None of this was his fault. But she didn't want to see him. It hurt.

And what could Q possibly want from her? As an egotistical, omnipotent being, he could do anything she could do and more. His ridiculous fascination with her was an enigma. The dark encounter was even more perplexing. There had been something different about him. Something dark and sinister. Very out of place. Q had never been malicious before. Something was terribly wrong. Why the hell did she have to be in the middle of it?

The pit of her stomach tightened more as she explored the requests Q might make of her. After his last visit with Q Junior, she had thought he was done trying to seduce her. Thought he'd moved on to whatever nonsense with which he occupied himself.

But what if she was wrong? What if his request had everything to do with her and her body? What was she willing to do _with Q_ to secure Chakotay's life?

Her breath caught in her throat and a few tears somehow escaped her eyes as she realized her answer. _Anything._

She might not survive such an encounter. Her conscience would surely kill her.

Damn him!

Involuntarily, she raised a dripping hand to her face. With a shaking finger, she retraced the path Q's tongue had taken.

His ownership was a death sentence upon her. What could she do in this hopeless situation?

* * *

When the door chimed, Janeway had pulled herself back together for the most part. It had taken some coffee and classical music and forcing herself to read, but she could function again. With a deep breath, she approached the door to greet her caller.

The door hissed open to reveal Chakotay. Her heart was in her throat.

"Kathryn! Are you alright?"

The pair stood in the doorway in silence. Sad blue eyes met concerned dark ones. The slight lift of Janeway's brow communicated a gentle pleading from the soul that her mind and body would never voice.

"Perfectly fine, Chakotay," the captain said evenly.

The commander's dark brow furrowed. He made to touch her arm.

She jerked away.

Taken aback, he pushed further. "Be honest," he said. "Please."

Never. She would never open up about what had happened to her at Q's hands. Not to Chakotay. Not to anyone.

"I'm fine," she lied. "It was just a nightmare."

"A nightmare?" His face was incredulous.

Might as well go all in. "I fell asleep in my ready room and had a bad dream. It was vivid and disturbing and I let it get the better of me. I'm sure you understand why I'm not too keen to discuss it."

It was obvious he didn't buy it. And this time he was quicker to take hold of her. Both hands gently grasped her upper arms. "We both know there's something you're not telling me. Please tell me what to do to help you, Kathryn," Chakotay said, his gaze steady and earnest.

Janeway turned her head away, swallowing hard as tears jumped unbidden to her eyes. Couldn't he see? With the right side of her face now clearly exposed to him, surely he could see it. Her own tattoo. The wretched mark of Q's ownership. It might have been invisible, but she felt as though it were a glowing beacon of her shame that dominated her entire person. Why couldn't he sense it too?

"I need to be on the bridge, Commander," she said in as neutral a tone as she could manage, looking at him once more. "Please remove your hands from me and let me pass."

Chakotay reluctantly put his hands down but didn't move out of the way.

"Do I need to make that an order?" she asked, her throat tight.

"Kathryn," he began. His eyes rested on her glistening blue ones. He was at a loss for words.

"Get out of my way," she demanded. Her command tone was harsh despite her frail state, and it hurt her to use it against Chakotay. But she wasn't going to let him through her defenses this time. She would continue to keep him at arm's length. She couldn't afford to have him around her, distracting her.

Her first officer stood aside and watched forlornly as she made her way staunchly out of his figuratively outstretched arms.

* * *

Janeway spent the rest of the day as entrenched in busywork as possible. There was less time to think about Chakotay. Less time to worry about Q and the impossible task he'd inevitably place before her. But no matter how hard she tried to push everything from her mind and relax, she was still incredibly tense. Sudden sounds and movements had her starting and swearing to herself under her breath.

Q said he'd be back. His return would mean some unspeakable horror. All the dread was fraying her nerves. Even her precious coffee failed her. She was at her wit's end and trying desperately to hide if from the crew.

"Captain, are you okay?" B'Elanna finally asked her as they both sat in the captain's ready room. An unexpected interruption from Tuvok had made Janeway flinch almost painfully. "You've nearly jumped out of your skin."

"Everything's fine," Kathryn asserted. She tried to prove the fact by pointedly reading a PADD. _Everything's under control_, her actions lied. _Don't you see how hardworking and normal I am?_

B'Elanna wasn't convinced. "Are you sure you don't need to maybe check in with sickbay?"

Janeway leveled a glare at the half-Klingon that made her thoughts on that suggestion very clear.

"Something has you on edge," B'Elanna pressed. "How about a competitive game of Velocity to mellow you out?"

The captain arched an eyebrow and sent a pointed glance to B'Elanna's swollen belly. "I'm not sure you're quite up to Velocity at the moment," she said. She took the opportunity to change the subject. "When is she due, again?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, obviously not falling for the trick. "A few weeks, maybe, Doc seems to change his mind after every checkup," she said quickly, "but that's beside the point. Tom or Harry or even Seven would be happy to play a couple matches. We want to help."

"How long has my behavior been the subject of gossip this time?"

"It's not like that," B'Elanna said, becoming agitated. "We're all just concerned. And I think you're being entirely unreasonable."

"And I'd appreciate it you kept your opinions to yourself, Lieutenant," Kathryn said quietly and coldly.

"No."

"Excuse me?" An iconic eyebrow rose at B'Elanna's reply.

"Tom told me you practically raced from the bridge this morning for apparently no reason. He said you weren't yourself," B'Elanna said. "He's never seen you so…afraid."

Janeway swallowed. She kept her lips pressed tightly together, neither denying anything nor offering an explanation.

"What happened?"

"That's my business," Janeway said, not looking at the other woman.

They sat in silence.

Finally, "You might call me a hypocrite," B'Elanna said carefully. "But I think you're being very selfish by not letting us help you. In Tom's words, 'If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.'"

How absurd. Janeway frowned at the strange sentiment a moment before replying. "There's nothing to be done," she said defensively. Her hackles were raised, and her nostrils flared. "What's the point of worrying everyone with my personal problems if they can't be helped?"

"With all due respect, Captain, everyone on this ship cares about you, and we'd love to make things easier for you, but you make it impossible when you don't accept our support," B'Elanna answered.

The words served only to frustrate Kathryn further. No one could support her with this. The last thing she needed was for Chakotay and the crew to know how pitiful she was. She clenched her fists. "You are dismissed, Lieutenant."

"But Captain—"

"Now."

B'Elanna obliged as quickly as her pregnant belly would allow.

"I thought she'd never leave."

Janeway let out a cry of alarm that quickly turned to despair. She whirled around to locate the intruder. He was standing behind her chair.

He pouted and laid a hand on her shoulder that she quickly shrugged away. "Aren't you happy to see me, darling?"


	3. The Warning

Chakotay stood when he heard the ready room door open. A genuine smile in place, he turned to greet his captain. Her timing was impeccable. Something of interest had just popped up on scanners, and he was eager to share the data with her.

However, Kathryn Janeway looked a mess. Her hair was in disarray. Her face ashen. Chakotay quickly dropped his smile. "Captain?" he asked. Adrenaline rushed and he made toward her.

But at the sound of his voice, her blue eyes widened in an expression that Chakotay could recognize only as fear. What had happened? She looked small as she cowered against a bulkhead and transferred command to him in a shaky voice. Then she was gone, fleeing long before he could stop her.

Chakotay looked a moment at the door that had closed behind her, trying to process what had just happened. Baffled, he turned to the rest of the bridge. Tuvok met his eyes with a concerned expression but offered no analysis. Harry, wide-eyed, shrugged. Tom's brows were furrowed, and his mind seemed to be far away.

Chakotay cleared his throat. He'd give her a minute. "Harry, anything more you can tell me about the phenomenon that's appeared?"

"Uh, yes, Commander." And the shift went on almost as if nothing had happened.

After everything was running smoothly, and he'd exhausted Harry of everything he knew about the recent scans, Chakotay excused himself and gave Tuvok control of the bridge. Then he took the turbolift down to Deck 3.

The turbolift came to an unexpected stop between decks with a jolt that almost toppled Chakotay. With a sigh, he raised a hand to his combadge.

"Chakotay to Engineering."

"Oh, they can't hear you."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay whipped his head in the direction of her voice. She was lying on the floor and holding both hands over a bleeding wound on her abdomen. But she certainly hadn't been there when he'd entered the turbolift. He immediately dropped to his knees beside her. "What happened? How did you get here?"

Janeway let out a laugh that turned into a cough which resulted in flecks of blood showering her uniform.

"Chakotay to sickbay! Emergency transport!"

"I said they can't hear you."

Chakotay finally noticed the smirk on the captain's face. There was no sense of urgency, no grimace of pain, despite the blood continuing to seep between her fingers and the color of her face continuing to drain. And most importantly, the expression was wrong. Kathryn smirked as much with her eyebrows as she did with her mouth. But this woman had hardly moved an eyebrow yet. It looked so real, heart wrenchingly real, but he knew it was fake, an illusion of some sort. A good copy, but not a perfect one. Although it went against all his instincts, he backed away from Janeway's form.

"What's happening here? Where's Kathryn?"

"Oh, I'm fine," the form said, sitting up. "Just checking to see how you'd react. You didn't disappoint. Bravo."

"Answer me!" Chakotay had to try very hard not to fixate on the bloody mess revealed when the figure removed her hands from her torso.

"You're no fun, Commander," the figure said with a pout. The blood in the corners of her mouth rather ruined the effect.

"Well," the false Janeway said after Chakotay offered no retort. "Your precious Kathryn is in danger, and you're the only one who can save her."

"This isn't a game! I don't have time for melodrama!" Chakotay growled.

The pseudo-Janeway lifted a bloody hand to her forehead dramatically and sighed. "You wound me, Chuckles."

Chuckles?

"Q?"

Janeway's form dissolved to reveal the infuriating man.

"What have you done to the captain?" The pieces were finally coming together.

"Must you always assume I've 'done something?'" Q asked, throwing his arms up. "We merely had a chat."

"What do you want, Q?" Chakotay had to focus on keeping his breathing even.

"Let's get one thing straight. And this is very important," Q said, standing up and looking Chakotay in the eye. "You will not tell your beautiful woman warrior about what we are about to discuss. Is that clear, Chuckles?"

Chakotay's face flushed, but his ire remained intact. "Why?"

"I don't think you could stomach the consequences if you don't."

The image of Kathryn bleeding profusely from the stomach surfaced vividly in Chakotay's mind. "Alright. What do you want?"

"Something's going to happen in the next day or so. Our madam captain will be faced with quite the dilemma." Q said it all so casually, as if this were the weather. Chakotay wanted to throttle him.

"What are you going to do to her?"

Q placed an offended hand on his chest. "Me? I assure you, she'll be doing this to herself." He flashed a wicked smile. "As I was saying, Kathy will be in quite a state, and when the moment's right, and believe me, you'll know when it's right, you will offer your life to ease her suffering."

"What?" Utter disbelief.

"Ask her to kill you," Q repeated in a patronizing tone.

"How would that help?"

"Your inferior mind couldn't possibly comprehend. Will you do it?"

Chakotay struggled to respond. None of this made any sense.

Q added extra incentive. "Her blood will be on your hands if you don't."

What choice did he have? Q had him trapped into a corner. Even though he didn't understand, there was one thing he _knew_. He would die to save Kathryn any day.

"I'll do it."

"Splendid." The turbolift began to move again.

As the doors opened to let Chakotay out, Q said, "Don't forget, Commander. Or her blood." He flicked his fingers in Chakotay's direction, and a small amount of crimson splattered his face and neck.

* * *

Chakotay detoured to his quarters to get cleaned up, but his destination hadn't changed. He needed to see Kathryn. He was definitely shaken by the encounter with Q, but he was sure he'd be alright if he could just _see_ her.

When she answered her door, she looked every inch Captain Janeway. Not a hair out of place. Firm and confident. All except her eyes. There was a sadness there that didn't belong with her captain ensemble.

"Kathryn, are you alright?" He wanted to hold her, to make sure it was really her. Of course, he controlled the impulse. But, oh spirits, her eyes. He'd seen pain in them before. Almost too many times to count. Her eyes were the most honest part of her.

"Perfectly fine, Chakotay."

Definitely the most honest part.

He couldn't resist the desire to at least touch her somehow. But she was obviously opposed to the idea. The way she pulled out of his reach without hesitation was telling. Whatever Q had said to her must have had something to do with him.

"Be honest, please."

"I'm fine. It was just a nightmare."

"A nightmare?" He didn't believe that for a second.

She made a face and shrugged. "I fell asleep in my ready room and had a bad dream. It was vivid and disturbing, and I let it get the better of me," she said without batting an eye. "I'm sure you understand why I'm not too keen to discuss it."

Chakotay took hold of her arms before she could react. Luckily, she didn't pull away. In a low voice—though a gentle one; he wasn't trying to intimidate her—he said, "We both know there's something you're not telling me. Please tell me what to do to help you, Kathryn."

She turned her face away. Chakotay was alarmed to notice she was trying to gain control of her emotions. This wasn't like her.

It didn't take her long to replace her captain's mask. "I need to be on the bridge, Commander. Please remove your hands from me and let me pass."

Oh. So now it was "Commander." His better judgment told him to comply immediately, but his instincts told him not to let her go. He compromised by releasing her but standing resolutely in place.

"Do I need to make that an order?"

"Kathryn." But what could he say? Q had probably restricted her from sharing her experience just as he had with him. Still, he wanted to be near her.

"Get out of my way."

That was a tone for intimidating ensigns. It didn't scare him, but the fact she was using it on him was worrisome. He stepped away and let her go.

* * *

Chakotay hoped B'Elanna was succeeding where he had failed. She and the captain had been in the ready room for quite some time. There seemed a good chance that Kathryn was opening up at least a little bit to a fellow woman.

The hope was dashed when B'Elanna entered the bridge with a scowl. "I tried, you guys," she announced. "But we—"

"Shhh!" Chakotay interrupted.

All on the bridge looked at him quizzically. He ignored them and strode past B'Elanna to the ready room door. There was only silence on the other side. But he could've sworn he'd heard something. A mix between a shout and a cry.

He rang.

No answer.

He rang again.

No answer.

A third time.

Nothing.

"Tuvok, we need to get inside that room," Chakotay commanded. "Something is definitely wrong."

It only took a few minutes to get through the door. But when they charged into the room, phasers raised, it was empty. There was no sign of the captain. No sign of Q.

"Computer, locate Captain Janeway!"

"Captain Janeway is not on board."

Chakotay turned to Tuvok. "This is Q's work. There's a chance they're still on the ship somewhere." Of course there was also a chance that they were thousands of light years away on some godforsaken asteroid. "Red alert. Have all hands searching. We need to find the captain."

Tuvok looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "I believe you are overreacting, Commander. Q has never done the captain direct harm. They will be back."

Chakotay glanced at all the other crewmembers around him. They seemed to agree with Tuvok. But they didn't know what he did. They hadn't seen Kathryn bleeding openly in the turbolift.

"Fine," he shouted. "Harry, with me. The rest of you can do what you want." It wasn't like him to raise his voice like this against his crewmates, but the rules changed when his captain was in danger. He led Harry away in a quiet rage.

The obvious place to start was Janeway's quarters. But if she wasn't there… Well, it was a big ship. He could only hope Tuvok was right and no harm would come to her.

Standard security overrides didn't open the captain's door. Chakotay took that as a good sign. He set Harry to work on trying to unlock the door through the computer system while he tried to pull open the door manually.

He was about ready to go retrieve a phaser rifle to blast the door open when suddenly he lost his balance. He was so dizzy. And everything was going black.


	4. The Favor

"_Aren't you happy to see me, darling?"_

As worried as she'd been all day, the actual sight of Q filled Janeway with steely resolve. She stood to face him with defiance glowing in her eyes.

Q clutched a hand to his chest and swayed a little on his feet. "My, my, Kathy," he said teasingly. "Aren't you a little foxy this evening. Anger quite becomes you."

Janeway grabbed him roughly by the front of his jacket with both hands. "Tell me what you want and then get the hell off my ship," she hissed. Even though she had to look up to stare him in the eyes, her personage was still imposing.

Q couldn't be cowed. Instead, he leaned down to catch her mouth in a kiss.

Janeway shoved away with all her might. She was surprised to find their location had changed when she stepped back. Gone was her ready room, replaced with her quarters, dimly lit.

"I thought we could use a bit more privacy," Q said, seemingly unperturbed by her violent rejection. He winked.

So this was how it was going to go. For some unfathomable reason, Q was threatening her, threatening Chakotay, all for her body. And she found herself entirely unprepared. She was still in her uniform; Q hadn't exchanged her clothes for something more risqué. Though, whether that was a blessing or a curse, she wasn't sure. Goosebumps erupted along her arms, her stomach twisted. What was she supposed to do? It all seemed absurd, laughable, but at the same time she suddenly felt like crying. But she wouldn't cry in front of Q.

She attempted to both ease her nerves and stall whatever was coming with a poor stab at humor. "Will you at least take me out to dinner first?" The words were hollow. She certainly didn't smile.

Q scrutinized her a second, apparently confused. Realization hit him, and he exclaimed, "No! Not like that! Don't flatter yourself, Kathy. Goodness, no!" He had plastered an expression of disgust on his face. "Your security circus was about to break into your ready room." But then he sent her a lecherous glance and mouthed "Maybe later."

Janeway released the breath she'd been holding with a shudder and brought a hand to her face to massage the bridge of her nose. "Q, I can't even begin to _pretend_ to understand the game you're playing—"

"This isn't a game, Kathy." He was suddenly right in front of her, bearing down on her with a deadly expression on his face. "This is more serious than you could ever know."

Standing her ground, Janeway glared straight back up at him. "Then act like it."

Q snorted and changed the subject. "You're too tense." He snaked behind her to rub her shoulders.

She wrested herself from his grasp and twisted around to face him again. "Stop."

"Why don't you sit down, love?" He took a seat in her favorite chair and gestured for her to position herself on his lap.

"I'd prefer to stand."

Q made a face. "That won't do, Kathy."

A chair knocked the back of Janeway's knees, causing her to fall into it with an "oomph."

"Now then, Madam Captain," Q said, assuming a businesslike pose in his seat. "I have a friend." As he spoke, he drew a stick figure in midair that glowed slightly green "Let's call him R."

"R?"

"Yes, pay attention." He drew another stick figure in the air, this one slightly red. "I need you—" He drew shoulder length hair on the figure. "—to kill him." He drew an 'X' over the green figure.

There was silence for a moment as Kathryn stared at the ghastly illustration, eyes wide. And then her brow furrowed.

"Absolutely not."

"Kathy," Q said in a warning tone.

Janeway ignored him. Her face grew red as she allowed fury to course through her. "You cannot come to _my_ ship and ask me to _murder_ someone for you!"

"Kathy…"

Again she ignored him. She was on her feet by that point, pacing back and forth and gesticulating with her arms. "Kill him yourself if you must, but leave me the hell out of it!" She pointed a finger at him that shook with emotion. "You are purposely trying to compromise my morals and I will _not_ let you do this to me!"

"Kathy!" Q's voice was raised this time. "Must I remind you of the consequences should you refuse." He snapped his fingers and the comm. system sounded throughout her quarters.

"Kim to sickbay! Commander Chakotay just collapsed. I'm not reading a pulse."

"Stop!"

Janeway had fallen to her knees. Both hands covered her mouth.

"Wait! He's breathing again."

"Bring him here, Ensign."

Janeway remained on the floor, taking shallow breaths. Her gaze was locked on the carpet. Q was insane. And he was serious. Most importantly, he was truly dangerous.

He strode to crouch beside her. He pulled her right hand from her face with one hand and traced a line from her chin to brow with his other. Janeway whimpered involuntarily at his touch. She trembled at his proximity. But she said nothing.

"I own you, Kathy," Q whispered. "Don't you dare forget." He released her hand and moved to toying with a lock of her hair. "You know, dear, I preferred you with long hair." He tugged the strand, and it lengthened beneath his touch.

Janeway sat stock still as Q ran his fingers through her hair until all of it reached the middle of her back. The pause gave her time to pull herself together and think. Q wanted her to kill someone. If she didn't, she'd effectively be killing Chakotay. Who was she to judge whose life was more valuable? Obviously, she wanted to choose to save Chakotay, but that wasn't her call to make. It wasn't Q's call either, but he was forcing her hand.

There had to be a way out of it. But she had to be careful.

Q was staring at her now, idly twirling a lock of her hair between his fingers.

"Are you finished?" she asked emotionlessly.

He released her hair. "Ah, yes. Back to business." He nodded. "It might take me some time to procure R for you, but rest assured, I'll have him to Voyager very soon." He patted her knee as if to comfort her. "The method of disposal will be up to you." He dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "I suggest you work fast. He's quite a troublemaker." He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I haven't the foggiest idea how you'll be able to off him, but I'm sure _you_ and your _scans_ and your _science_ will figure something out."

Janeway gave him a long-suffering glare.

"Questions, Kathy dear?"

"Can I ask why you want me to kill this person?"

Q grinned. "I don't know. _Can_ you?"

The glare intensified.

He feigned offense. "I just thought as a Starfleet captain, you'd want your grammar to be tip top—"

She sauntered up to Q, not once breaking eye contact. Inches away from his face she whispered in a low voice, "_May_ I ask why you want me to kill this person?"

Q sighed. "No. Highly classified, I'm afraid." He squeezed her knee again. "But there will be an enlightening debriefing after the fact that I'm sure you'll appreciate."

Janeway sighed with her eyes closed. When she opened them, they were ice. "You're going to regret this," she said very quietly.

"Oh I doubt it. I don't regret anything." He considered her a moment, chewing on his lip and clacking his tongue. He brought a hand to her chin. She instantly caught his wrist and pushed it away. He smiled and leaned forward.

She stopped breathing. Not again. No. He couldn't lick her again. But try as she might, she couldn't move away even as she felt his breath on her neck.

At the last moment, Q stopped and breathed into her ear, "Well, if that's all, I'll be going." He stood and pulled Janeway to her feet as well. "You should probably see to Chuckles. Who knows what sort of state he's in." He blew her a kiss and disappeared.

Minutes later, Janeway burst into sickbay, not caring how her actions might be interpreted. The Doctor was leaning over the biobed where Chakotay lay unconscious, but looked up at the sound of her entrance.

"Report!" Janeway demanded.

Instead of answering, the Doctor examined her appearance and stared at her with a cocked eyebrow. "Captain, where—?"

"Chakotay, Doctor," Janeway interrupted. She'd crossed the room and was standing beside the EMH by then.

The Doctor made a face at her behavior. "Well, you should have shown more concern before you went disappearing," he said grumpily. "This might not have even happened if you hadn't stepped out for a makeover."

Janeway's gaze snapped away from Chakotay's still form and to the Doctor's face. "What are you talking about?" Before the Doctor could respond, she changed her mind. "No. I don't care. Just tell me how Chakotay is."

Doc rolled his eyes and sighed. "He's perfectly fine, Captain. Or at least he would be if I could wake him up."

"A coma?"

"No. Brain activity suggests nothing of the sort."

Kathryn frowned. Perhaps Q was keeping him in a sort of stasis. But to what end? Almost without meaning to, she clasped Chakotay's hand in both of hers.

Immediately Chakotay's eyes opened. They stared directly into hers. "Kathryn! What—?" He stopped and squinted at her. An expression of horror overcame his face. "How long have I been out?" he asked groggily.

Janeway stared at him. Then at the Doctor. The Doctor only raised his eyebrows pointedly. "Less than an hour," she answered hesitantly. "Why?"

He struggled to sit up. "Your hair." He reached to hook a strand with one finger.

Oh. Oh! She'd entirely forgotten. And she had no idea how to respond. "This? Well, I—It just—"

"It was Q," Chakotay answered for her.

Kathryn froze. "Why do you say that?" She tried to sound casual, but the dire undertone was evident.

Chakotay took longer to respond than expected. "How else could you have suddenly disappeared from sensors?"

There didn't seem to be a reason to deny it, but Janeway was still reluctant to admit Q's involvement. She didn't say anything.

Chakotay appeared to understand. He turned to the Doctor. "Am I free to go, Doc?" He slid off the biobed without waiting for an answer.

The EMH shook his head. "I don't think so. Not until the two of you explain what has happened here. The captain's hair, your collapsing, her disappearing, your sudden revival, and this Q nonsense. I demand an explanation."

"Computer, end emergency medical hologram," Janeway said. It wasn't the best way to deal with things, but it had been a trying day. She looked at Chakotay. He gave her a half smile.

"Well, Commander, I am going to turn in early tonight. I suggest you do the same," she said. "Captain's orders."

"Shouldn't we at least inform the crew that everything is back in order?"

Janeway gave a curt nod. "I'll leave that in your capable hands, Commander. Good night," she said.

Not that she was going to sleep. How could she sleep until the disaster with Q was over? There was too much to think about. And the top priority was finding a way to appease Q without cold-blooded murder.

She didn't even make it three full steps before Chakotay stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Kathryn."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning to him. In doing so, the hair trapped beneath his touch pulled painfully. "Ouch," she hissed under her breath.

He quickly removed his hand. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No worries," she said, gathering her hair behind her head with both hands and twisting it into a bun. Since she had no pins, it would fall out with the slightest provocation, but it would have to do. "I'll get rid of it all in the morning." This was said mostly to herself.

"Don't."

Janeway quirked an eyebrow.

Instead of explaining his comment, he cleared his throat and changed the subject. "I know you're going through something. And I understand you won't tell me what it is. But please, Kathryn, anything I can do to help you, just ask. Hell, order me to do it."

Could she? Could she enlist his help? She wouldn't have to mention Q's possession of her. She wouldn't have to mention Q at all. She knew her task now. Surely she could trust Chakotay to help her. Maybe he'd know a way out.

When she didn't answer immediately, he loomed closer. "I'll let you know, Commander," she said, if only to stop him in his tracks. The imaginary lick line on her face burned with his proximity.

"Thank you," Chakotay said. He seemed genuinely grateful for her words. But his brow creased in concern nonetheless.

She gave a small nod as a plea to let her pass and rewarded him with a smile of thanks when he let her go without a word.


	5. The Instructions

While he hoped very much that Kathryn would accept his help, Chakotay didn't really expect her to. She was a great captain that understood the need to delegate. She didn't hesitate to ask for help with some scientific puzzle or engineering question she was working on. She often asked advice when trying to make a decision for the good of the ship and crew. But advice or help for the good of Kathryn? Rarely, if ever.

Thus, Chakotay was astounded when Kathryn's first action on the bridge the morning after his request was to call him to her ready room to discuss things. He wondered if she'd taken his words to heart after a good night of sleeping on the idea. However, once he was able to take a close look at his captain, he doubted she'd slept at all. The coffee in her hand was par for the course, but she seemed to be holding it extra tightly. And it was much nearer empty than it should have been. Her eyes screamed exhaustion. But, he noted with a hint of approval, she hadn't cut her hair. It was wrapped tightly into the bun that he realized he'd missed.

Kathryn chose to sit at her desk. Chakotay suspected she needed it as a barrier as she opened up. That was unfortunate. He would have been glad for an excuse to touch her. Sitting on the couch often allowed him the opportunity.

"Chakotay," she said, as soon as he was seated across from her. Her voice was a little hoarse. "You know Q has…been here recently."

In this very room in fact, he thought. He nodded for her to go on.

"He…" It was evident that she'd rehearsed this conversation earlier, but the preparation didn't seem to be helping. Either she was mentally restructuring her approach, or whatever she had to say was painful to voice.

"He made a demand of me that…that I'm having difficulty fulfilling."

Chakotay went into red alert. Before he realized it, he'd already risen halfway from his seat and leaned across the desk. Every instinct was telling him to protect Kathryn at all costs.

"What has he done to you, Kathryn?" he asked, voice strained with concern. If Q had touched her… Well, Chakotay would have to tear him apart.

She closed her eyes. It seemed to hurt. "Nothing. It's not…" She opened her eyes again. "It's not what you think. There's no need to try and avenge my honor, or whatever foolish thing that's running through your mind."

Chakotay lowered back into his chair, but his blood was still pumping wildly. "Then what does he want? Why are you letting him demand anything?"

Kathryn fixed him with a glower. "I refuse to be interrogated, Commander. I'm asking for your help, not reading you my log entries."

That frustrating, impossible woman! How did she expect him to react to information like this? He'd never vocalized it—well not since New Earth, and even then, not in so many words—but surely she knew how he felt about her. He thought he was restraining himself very well. He hadn't pulled her into a protective embrace and promised her he'd never let her be hurt again, at least. Weren't a few questions validated?

Nonetheless, he apologized. "I'm sorry. Go on."

She finished off her coffee before replying. "Q is going to bring someone aboard my ship. I don't know anything about this individual, and I will need the assistance of the crew to analyze him. The Doctor, certainly. Probably B'Elanna. Harry could help as well. Seven might prove invaluable. And of course, Tuvok."

Chakotay processed the information before asking, "What do you need me to do?"

She held his gaze a few moments in silence. "I suppose I just need your support on this. Your full support." Her head tilted ever so slightly to the side. Her raised brows drew attention to her eyes which stared intently at him, proving with the most honest part of her how serious she was.

That stung. Every time she doubted him even for an instant. It made him regret even more the times he'd let her down. "Kathryn, I assure you," he said. "You can count on me." He made to pat the arm resting on her desk, but she abruptly moved it out of the way.

Her most bona fide, Starfleet-approved captain's mask slid into place. "Please inform the relevant parties to report to the briefing room."

* * *

Once everyone was assembled, Kathryn didn't waste any time getting down to business. The fragility that Chakotay had sensed in her ready room was gone. Her expression warned that she would not be taking any interruptions, comments or questions until she was completely finished.

"We will be receiving a visitor in the next few days. I don't know anything about him except he is potentially dangerous, so we will need to learn what we can as quickly as we can."

She focused her full attention on each crew member as she addressed them. "Tuvok, your telepathic abilities will be paramount. Doctor, information on his physiology will be vital. Look for weaknesses and a way to subdue him if necessary. Seven, work with the doctor. Nanoprobes will probably be needed. B'Elanna, Harry, we will need a place to contain our guest. Work on bulking up security in the brig. As soon as the doctor provides you with relevant biological information, personalize things for our guest."

Kathryn swept her gaze across the room. "Any questions?" she asked, taking her seat.

Practically everyone burst forth with a comment.

Chakotay motioned for silence. "Tuvok, you first."

"Why are we allowing this visitor aboard if he is an obvious security threat?" the Vulcan asked succinctly.

Kathryn pursed her lips and sighed before answering. "We have little choice in the matter. I'd explain but it doesn't change anything."

Tuvok frowned but was silent.

Chakotay waited a moment to be sure Tuvok was really done before saying, "Doctor?"

The EMH pulled himself to his full height. "Captain, I feel the need to remind you that I cannot intentionally harm any patient under my care."

The captain stared directly at the Doctor. "Then see to it that he isn't harmed. At most he will need to be _neutralized._" Her voice was as serious as ever it had been.

"Oh Kathy, I hope you're not trying to change the rules on me."

Q had suddenly appeared behind her chair. Small sounds and signs of understanding came from all in the room. Chakotay hoped he was the only person to notice that Kathryn's grip on the table's edge had suddenly become white-knuckled.

"You know what could happen," Q added, thrumming his fingers along the back of the captain's seat.

Chakotay shifted uncomfortably as Q's gaze rested upon him. And he didn't miss the glance Kathryn shot at him as Q spoke.

"I trust you have an update on our visitor." Kathryn's voice was calm, almost bored, in total contrast to her body which was practically bristling with tension. Chakotay was impressed. Concerned, but impressed.

Q snapped his fingers, and Janeway's seat became a large, comfy armchair. He then proceeded to half-lean on the armrest. Kathryn surreptitiously shifted her weight to rest on the opposite side.

"I do indeed, Madam Captain." As he spoke, he reached an arm over to release a portion of Kathryn's hair from its bun.

Chakotay's entire body clenched. He watched Q twist an auburn lock between his fingers and wished painful death upon the smug bastard.

For her part, Kathryn ignored Q's actions. "Well, let's have it then," she said impatiently.

Q brought a hand to his face to brush the end of the bit of hair deliberately across his lips, all the while holding Chakotay's loathing stare.

Even in his fury, Chakotay was aware of the discomfort felt by all others in the room. It seemed Kathryn was the only person unaffected, but he could see the corner of her mouth twitching and knew the truth.

"Our friend, R, will have to be lured here," Q said finally. "Luckily, you have all the bait you need: me!" He puffed out his chest and looked around expectantly.

Did he expect them to clap? Cheer? At least he'd released Kathryn's hair.

When everyone failed to look impressed, Q continued. "Señor R is telepathic. Well, telepathic is putting it lightly. His abilities are virtually unmatched. He'll be on the lookout for me of course, but he's a bit out of range. We'll need a signal boost."

Q was met by more silence. He huffed. "Mr. Vulcan, that's your job. A simple mind meld will do the trick."

Kathryn looked at Q for the first time since he'd arrived. "Is that possible?"

Tuvok's raised brow indicated he had the same question.

Q waved a hand dismissively. "It might be the teensiest bit dangerous, but I'll make it work."

Kathryn narrowed her eyes. A mental argument could be seen taking place therein, by Chakotay at least. "Can you guarantee Tuvok's safety?"

Q took her chin with his thumb and forefinger and lifted it toward him. Chakotay nearly growled audibly at the intimate touch. "Don't you trust me, Kathy?"

Eyes cold as steel locked with Q's, and there was silence.

Why didn't she move from his hold? Bat his hand away? The twitch still played in the corner of her mouth.

"After all we've been through?" Q's words were far more teasing than before.

Kathryn's lips curled and she tore her head away. "What do we do after we've summoned your friend?" she asked, focusing her eyes on the far bulkhead.

Chakotay's blood boiled as he watched Q's silent chuckle.

"Tuvok and I will be in the brig, so the fool will probably transport himself directly into custody. Bless." He pulled a PADD out of thin air and tossed it to B'Elanna. "Those are the specs for the modifications your brig will need to contain the fellow. I trust you'll have it done by this evening."

B'Elanna scanned over the information and nodded hesitantly.

"Splendid."

Q leaned against the seat back and swung his legs so that he was more or less sitting in Kathryn's lap. It was a testament to Chakotay's self control that he didn't break Q's nose.

"After that, it's all in your hands, Kathy dear." He cooed her epithet while making eyes. "You know what to do," he whispered in her ear. He kissed her forehead and vanished.


	6. The Arrival

Everyone looked expectantly at Janeway after Q's exit. She kept her eyes fixed where they were on the bulkhead behind them all. "We'll do as he said." She tried to ignore the expressions of confusion or disapproval from her officers. They already knew more than she wanted to tell them. She wouldn't be surprised if Q's mark upon her had lit up to broadcast her weakness in his presence.

"Let's get a move on," she said loudly when no one made any effort to get to work. "Q will be back in a matter of hours. We've got work to do."

Her officers obediently set off about their business without argument, but they kept shooting her glances. She ignored them.

As could be expected, Chakotay lingered. Janeway had noticed him seething for the entirety of Q's intrusion. In a way, it frustrated her. She didn't need him to worry about her or protect her or fight her battles. Why couldn't he, for once, keep himself out of her troubles? What gave him the right to care so much for her? To see how much she mattered to him pulled at the heartstrings she'd tried to sever.

"Kathryn." His voice was so gentle it was difficult to believe he'd practically been breathing fire only moments before.

She looked at him, forcing her face to be as bland as possible, and cursing him at the same time. At least he knew better than to touch her.

"I'm sorry." His demeanor and dark eyes filled in the blanks. Sorry for what Q was doing to her, even though he didn't know the half of it. Sorry for not being able to help. Sorry for how the crew was acting. Sorry for it all.

She stared at him, really stared, taking in every detail. As her eyes examined his face, her nose began to tingle with the threat of tears. The sensation almost made her laugh aloud. What a sight she must be! Exhausted, half her hair pulled out of place and fighting back the urge to cry. Pathetic.

"Thank you," she finally managed.

Before her words, the space between them had been like ice, solid, cold and fragile. But her words melted through the imaginary barrier, and they both visibly relaxed. Things were different in a way hard to explain.

Chakotay took a step toward her and sought nonverbal permission to touch her now.

She feebly nodded consent, and he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Only, it wasn't comforting. She wanted it to be. Really, she did. But there was too much weighing on her mind, and too much of it had to do with him.

Janeway stood abruptly, and Chakotay's hand fell away. "I need to go help B'Elanna with those modifications."

"Harry's already helping." It was clear her changeable behavior was confusing to Chakotay and probably hurtful.

"Well, I need to study the upgrade," she said. "It might provide answers."

"Answers to what?" He wasn't going to make this easy for her. He didn't want her to leave.

She held his gaze for a moment before answering. "I'll be looking for biological information hidden within the engineering. I just want to know more about who we're dealing with." It was less than the truth. She could see in his eyes that he knew it.

But he didn't call her out. "Always the scientist," he said, forcing a smile. "I guess I'll let you get to it. Any orders for me before you go?"

Janeway forced a smile as well. "You've got the bridge. Keep me informed." She left before he could reply with more than a "Yes, Captain."

* * *

The brig modifications appeared completely arbitrary. There was no doubt they made for a more sophisticated force field, but, for the life of her, Janeway couldn't find anything that could correlate to the physiology of the intended prisoner. And she'd been studying the instructions for hours. It didn't make sense, and she hated it when she couldn't understand something. She resentfully had to admit that Q's intellect was indeed far beyond her capacity.

"Uh, Captain," B'Elanna called, interrupting Janeway's thoughts from where she was working across the room.

Janeway looked up from her PADD. "Yes?"

"There seems to be a problem, but I swear we've followed these instructions to the letter."

Janeway strode over. "Elaborate a little."

B'Elanna activated the force field. "Harry," she said with a nod.

Harry thrust his hand toward the barrier. Janeway winced slightly at the sound it made. The electronic sizzle was louder than normal and sounded painful. However, Harry's palm did not bounce from the field. Instead, it went right through.

The captain furrowed her brow. "I see," she said quietly. She joined B'Elanna at the console and looked over the changes that had been made. She didn't need a PADD to remember the specifications. They were burned into her memory after all the inspecting she'd given them.

"You've done everything perfectly," she muttered, checking a second time as well. "It doesn't make much sense to have a containment field that doesn't actually contain anything. What's Q up to?"

On cue, as always, the omnipotent thorn in the side popped into existence beside Janeway. First, he swatted her hands away from the console. "Careful, Kathy," he chided. ""We don't want to mess up anything. Your pet officers spent hours working on this."

B'Elanna bared her teeth but didn't retort.

"Why have you wasted their time with something that doesn't work?" Janeway asked, decidedly ignoring the hand sliding down her back.

"It works perfectly. For once your people have done a good job." He pinched her rear.

"Q!" she exclaimed, her voice strained. But he had already relocated to the brig's entrance, quite out of slapping range.

"Tuvok and I will be inside. It'd be nice if we could get out without compromising the containment field," Q explained.

It made sense, dammit. "I trust R will not be immune?"

"You've got it." He winked saucily.

"Are you ready to proceed, then?"

Q made a show of checking several old-fashioned pocket watches that he pulled from various pockets that didn't exist. "Yes," he said slowly. "I believe the stars are aligned correctly."

Janeway rolled her eyes. "Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here.

"Q's here. He's ready to begin."

"On my way. Tuvok out."

Q returned to Janeway's side as they waited. Her entire body tensed in spite of herself. Tactile as she was, Q's touch was something she could not abide. She gave him a glare that said as much.

He waggled his eyebrows as if to say "Who cares?" before moving behind her. He rested his chin on her head, mussing the bun she'd already redone once because of him. He was doing this purely to annoy her, and she really shouldn't give him the satisfaction, but she was already angry with him. Enough of this. She bobbed her head away, but he grasped her by the upper arm with each hand to hold her in place.

"Now, now, Kathy," he reprimanded softly. "My chin needs a rest, and you're the perfect height." The _oh, and I own you, remember_ was left unsaid, but Janeway heard it loud and clear.

Still she ducked her head to avoid him. Harry and B'Elanna were making quite a show of not looking at the pair. Seeing someone being so intimate with their captain was rather unnerving.

Fortunately the uncomfortable situation was brought to an end when Tuvok entered the room. Q wasted no time in leading the Vulcan inside the brig.

"Is the containment field all fired up?" he asked. After the affirmative from B'Elanna, he excitedly pulled Tuvok's hands to his face.

Tuvok sighed and looked to Janeway. "Captain?"

She nodded. "Do it."

"My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."

The words were scarcely out of Tuvok's mouth before there was a loud pop, and a third body appeared in the brig. Q lunged through the force field, dragging Tuvok along. The newcomer made to follow but stopped short of rebounding off the barrier.

Silence reigned as everyone examined the stranger, and he examined them. He was quite unremarkable. In fact, if one were to bring a stickman into reality, Janeway supposed that is what it'd look like. Bald and without a single defining feature. He was human with a nose and eyes and mouth as he should, but everything was so nondescript it was like looking at a blank wall. Completely forgettable. His stature and build were also entirely average. But most of all, Janeway was struck by how absolutely harmless the being looked.

It took a moment for her to realize that Q was staring at her, trying to catch her eye. She reluctantly returned his gaze. His eyes narrowed. Do it, they seemed to say.

She cocked an eyebrow and shrugged. How? She was glad she had that excuse, at least for the time being.

Q frowned. "Well, I'll leave R in your capable hands," he said, addressing everyone but still focusing on her. "I'll be back for a status report sooner or later." The look he gave her stated clearly that the deed had better be done by that point.

She inclined her head ever so slightly to show she understood. Q vanished.

_Hello, Captain Kathryn Janeway._

Janeway quickly turned to look at R in surprise. Surely the greeting had come from him. But instead of the monotone, expressionless voice she expected to belong to the creature, the voice in her head was her own.


	7. The Visitor

The wait until the end of Chakotay's shift was only an hour. It seemed much longer to him. He was normally a patient man, but this particular situation had him restless and itching to be below decks. Almost all the senior officers were down there. As first officer, shouldn't he be as well? But someone had to manage the bridge. But why that someone couldn't be Tom Paris was a mystery.

He had contacted her at one point. He had so many questions. What was happening? What was the visitor like? Had Q relayed new instructions? And most importantly, how was she?

"Chakotay to Janeway."

The response time had been longer than usual. "Go ahead."

"Permission to leave Lt. Paris with the bridge?" His voice had been cheery to hide how eager he was to join her.

"No." The reply was quick and vehement.

Whereas before he'd simply felt left out, then Chakotay had real cause to be anxious. It was evident Kathryn did not want him present. Why?

"Understood. Chakotay out."

Tom had tried to catch his eye, to give him a sympathetic look and maybe say something. Chakotay hadn't let him.

As he took the turbolift from the bridge, he thought on the occurrence. She didn't want him there. Should he heed her wishes? It wasn't a smart idea to antagonize Kathryn Janeway under good circumstances, let alone when she was under duress. Yet, Q, in this very spot, had told him she was in trouble. Whether she wished it or not, he was going to be at her side to keep her safe.

When he arrived, he found Tuvok to be the only person with Kathryn. Apparently Harry and B'Elanna had cleared out. Upon further inspection, he realized the Doctor was also present but in the cell with the visitor.

Chakotay stared the stranger up and down. Ugly fellow. Too thin, rather slimy looking. Had a look about him that made Chakotay uneasy. This was definitely not a person he'd want to meet in a dark alley. Simply said, this R looked like a criminal.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a greeting in his head. _Hello, Commander Chakotay_. He snapped his gaze to his captain. She wasn't even looking at him. For all the notice she gave him, it was if she didn't know he was in the room. Since when did she have telepathic abil— Oh.

He looked back to R. Why the hell was that thing using Kathryn's voice?

At that moment, the Doctor concluded his examination. He crossed the force field and said something quietly to Kathryn that Chakotay didn't quite make out. The pair turned to leave the room, and it was then that Kathryn noticed Chakotay for the first time.

"What are you doing here, Commander?" Was it his imagination or was her voice tinged with fear?

"Just here to see what all the fuss is about," Chakotay said with a half smile he didn't really mean. "What's going on?"

"If you'll follow us out, I'll explain," the Doctor said curtly.

Kathryn opened her mouth abruptly. For a second, Chakotay thought she was going to prevent him from joining them, but she closed her mouth without argument, and the three proceeded into the corridor.

"The medical tricorder had a hard time getting concrete readings. It's as if his physiology is in a state of constant flux," the doctor said once the door had closed.

"You'd expect that for a shapeshifter though?" Kathryn asked.

"Not exactly. But it gets stranger. The scans done on his brain were…well, perfectly conclusive. His telepathic abilities are off the chart. He's certainly capable of doing much more than simply communicating with you." The Doctor's concern was quite apparent.

"I suspect Q included some sort of inhibitor in the containment field," Kathryn mused.

"Nonetheless, I don't think anyone should spend too long in his company. I'd say no longer than an hour at a time," the Doctor warned. "He's incredibly intelligent. I'd know more if he could communicate with me, but you know how it is with holograms."

"I understand, Doctor," Kathryn said. "Chakotay, arrange one hour shifts. Best to have at least two people present at a time."

"Yes, Captain."

"Doctor, call Seven to help you. See if you can discover anything from the tricorder readings."

"Of course, Captain. I'll let you know when we find something."

The Doctor left Chakotay and Kathryn standing alone outside the brig. "What about you, Captain?"

"I'm going to talk to him." There was no question as to who "him" was.

"You've already been in there an hour." He didn't want to sound patronizing, but he suspected he did.

Kathryn placed both hands on her hips and pursed her lips. He could tell she was trying to find a way around the Doctor's prescription. "Very well. I'll join the Doctor and Seven in sickbay for the time being," she said after a few moments.

Chakotay shook his head. "You haven't eaten all day. Go have some dinner."

She glared.

"I'll tell Neelix to come find you personally with a pot of leola root soup," he added as a light-hearted threat.

"That won't be necessary, Commander," she said. But it looked like she was going to take his advice because she marched off to the turbolift.

* * *

"When he spoke to you, what did it sound like?"

Chakotay was having breakfast with B'Elanna, Tom and Harry. The brief encounter with R and the conversation with the Doctor afterward were forefront in his thoughts. He wanted to relieve at least one of his worries.

"He sounds like a male version of the computer," B'Elanna answered.

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "A voice to fit his appearance."

Chakotay wasn't sure how he felt about that answer. On one hand, it dispelled the theory that R was attempting to steal the captain's identity somehow. On the other, it proved how manipulative R truly was. The fear that R was in some way using Kathryn against him wasn't very appealing.

"Hold on a moment. You say that the computer voice fits his appearance?" Chakotay asked. "He didn't look very automated to me."

B'Elanna and Harry exchanged glances. Tom seemed to hang on every word. He hadn't yet met R and found all of the talk fascinating.

"Well, when he first appeared, he basically looked like a blank screen," Harry said. "But you're right. Later on he started to look a little different."

"He looked downright creepy," B'Elanna corrected. "Like he was going to cut my throat or something."

"Shapeshifter," Chakotay said quietly, thinking of the Doctor's report. Something across the room caught his eye.

"Ayala!" he called.

"Yes, Commander?" the man asked, making his way toward Chakotay.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the brig?"

"I was, sir, but the captain relieved me."

"She's not there alone, is she?" Chakotay asked, sounding more worried than he would've liked to admit.

"No, sir, Gregson remained on duty."

Chakotay contemplated going to see what she was up to. In the end, however, he decided she had her reasons even though she wouldn't explain them. He had to remember she was still the captain and she almost always knew what she was doing. He'd give her a little room to breathe.

* * *

Chakotay's shift in the brig wasn't until after lunch. On his way down, he passed two crewmen whose conversation caught his attention. He slowed his pace so he could hear more as he walked by.

"—truly bizarre. I think they were having a conversation, but all I heard was her side of it."

"What was she saying?"

"A bunch of stuff. Well, one word replies. They didn't really seem connected at all. I guess he was doing most of the talking."

If Chakotay remember correctly, the crewman doing most the talking had been assigned a shift two hours prior. Had Kathryn spent all day with R? She'd heard the doctor as well as he had. One hour at a time.

To his further dismay, he found Kathryn in the brig standing in front of the cell. She was several feet back, but she was fixated on their visitor. Her eyes were gray and narrow. Her body stood perfectly still.

The ensign being relieved gave Chakotay a worried glance, and beckoned for him to come closer so she could whisper something to him. "She's been like that since I got here, sir. Sometimes she says things, but none of it makes sense." The woman swallowed before adding, "I'm glad you've come. The alien is really starting to get under my skin."

Chakotay gave the ensign a pat on the shoulder as a dismissal. Then he took a good long look at R. He seemed significantly less human now. His eyes were all black. He was taller and even thinner, skeletal-like. Feeling Chakotay's gaze on him, he faced the commander and smiled. His teeth were pointy and dark.

Chakotay barely suppressed a shudder. This thing was definitely not benevolent. Why had Q strapped them with it?

_Welcome back, Commander Chakotay. I think you're just in time. Watch this._

Again it was Kathryn's voice, but the tone was one he'd never heard her use and doubted he ever would. It was simply evil.

He heard her real voice before he could think much further on what R had actually said. He started at the unexpected sound.

"Okay. Yes." He had expected her voice perhaps to be dreamy, for she seemed to be in a trance. But it was perfectly clear. Her everyday tone.

And to his horror, she took a step toward the force field.

"Kathryn, what are you doing? Stop!"

She didn't seem to hear him. She took another step.

"No, Kathryn!" Chakotay reasserted. This time he moved forward to hold her back.

"Let me go," she said. Kathryn tried to advance despite his grasp. He had to work hard to keep his balance because she was intent on bowling him over. She reached forth a hand so she could reach the cell faster.

Something was obviously wrong. His mind raced, desperately searching for what he could do. He could lift her off her feet and carry her away, but that seemed a temporary solution. Besides, she was struggling so much, he was afraid he'd hurt her somehow. He never wanted to do that.

Finally his thoughts reached his meeting with Q in the turbolift. There was his answer.

He forced her outstretched arm to fold between their bodies, and he leaned down so his face was level with hers. She was becoming visibly upset, and her voice broke as she demanded again he unhand her.

He had no idea why he was saying what he was about to say. He just knew what Q had said. And the tears in Kathryn's eyes were all the further motivation he needed.

"Kathryn. If it will help, kill me."


	8. The Guilt

It had taken Janeway longer than she'd like to admit to call in the Doctor to examine R. For the longest time she and her officers simply stared at the stranger. As they watched, he changed. A gradual change that they didn't notice at first. He was getting shorter, for one thing.

He wasn't a very talkative fellow. Aside from the initial greeting, he'd only said a few trite things about being on Voyager. Oh, it was his pleasure, but why the cage?

Janeway gave simple, polite answers, but it soon became clear to her that her officers weren't hearing the same things she did. Their confusion at her communication was one indicator. Their own few words to the alien was another. It was disconcerting to think each of them was having a private and separate conversation despite all being in the same room and talking to the same person.

Instead of calling the Doctor, Janeway sent Harry and B'Elanna to fetch him. She wanted a moment to speak to Tuvok.

"What do you think?" she asked quietly. She realized R could probably still hear her, but no matter.

"I believe he is only able to project his abilities outward," Tuvok replied.

"What do you mean?"

"He can put thoughts in our head, but I do not think he can read our thoughts. He has not responded to any of my telepathic communications, only verbal ones."

That was comforting. She suspected the containment field was the cause.

The Doctor entered then. "Hello, R," he greeted cheerfully, quickly joining the visitor in the cell. "I'll be running a few harmless scans. Pay me no mind."

_I don't understand this one. He is a hologram?_

Janeway nodded.

"Anything you'd like to let me know? Medical history? Health complaints?"

After a few moments of silence, the Doctor tried again. "Anything, sir?"

Being ignored didn't bode well with the EMH. He shot an exasperated look at the captain.

"He communicates telepathically, Doctor."

"Ah. I remember." Janeway thought she heard him mutter something about deceptive mouths under his breath, but the remainder of the exam was executed in silence.

When he was finished, the Doctor said in a low voice, "I believe we should discuss the results outside. I assume those ears of his function."

Turning to leave, Janeway was shocked by the sudden appearance of Chakotay. "Commander, what are you doing here?" He wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to be far away, not distracting her. His mere presence made the situation more difficult.

Her stomach clenched at his innocent, almost playful tone and answer. "Just here to see what all the fuss is about. What's going on?"

Checking up on her, more like. She almost put her foot down when the Doctor invited Chakotay to hear R's diagnosis. But he _was_ her first officer. It was natural he should be included. She didn't need a scene, so she let it happen.

Janeway listened to the Doctor's report with real interest, but the results were disheartening. She realized the best course of action would be diplomacy. If she could just figure out why Q wanted R dead in the first place, surely she could find a peaceful resolution.

Such were her thoughts when Chakotay asked, "What about you, Captain?"

"I'm going to talk to him." She wished Chakotay would, for once, just do what she asked him to do and leave her to her own devices. Of course, if he did that, he wouldn't really be doing his job.

"You've already been in there an hour."

She positioned herself for an argument, but she didn't really have any ground to stand on. They were dealing with a dangerous entity, and she'd do well to listen to what the Doctor said. Reluctantly she conceded the point. "Very well, I'll join the Doctor and Seven in sickbay for the time being."

He had the audacity to shake his head at her. She wasn't asking for his permission.

"You haven't eaten all day. Go have some dinner."

Motherly Chakotay always had to make an appearance, didn't he? At least once a day. Couldn't he see she was in no mood to be mothered? She communicated her feelings with a glower so there could be no mistake.

"I'll tell Neelix to come find you personally and to bring a pot of leola root soup."

"That won't be necessary, Commander," she practically snapped.

As she made her way to the mess hall, Janeway allowed herself a moment to think on the conversation. She wasn't sure why she was so irritable. Yes, she was stressed about Q and his wretched blackmailing and about R and the enigma he was. And then she was desperately concerned for Chakotay's safety. That in turn made her frustrated with herself for allowing so much bias in where he was concerned. She hated to admit it, but she was afraid of him, or rather her feelings for him. This infernal situation was making her face that fear. But still, anger toward Chakotay wasn't how she should be handling the situation.

She thought through ways to apologize for her behavior as she picked at her dinner.

* * *

_Welcome back, Captain Kathryn Janeway._

R had grown hair. It was a mixture of colors, as if it couldn't decide which color to be, but mostly brown. The eyes were blue now, instead of gray.

Janeway had asked Tuvok to accompany her for the visit. She could trust him to be discreet with any knowledge he gained from the discussion she was going to have with their guest.

"We need to talk, R."

_How may I help?_

Having a conversation with her own voice was disquieting.

"Tell me about Q."

_If I'm not mistaken, you are currently associated with him. You likely know more than I._

Janeway sent him a withering look. He smiled in response.

_What do you want to know, Captain?_

She decided she take this slowly. She wanted to gain his trust. There was a greater chance of success that way. "Do you know why Q trapped you here?"

_He wants me dead. As you well know._

She certainly did know. But how did he? Hadn't Tuvok said he couldn't read their minds? She resisted the urge to ask him.

"Why?"

_I really don't know. Have you asked him?_

She wasn't going to tolerate sass. "I'm asking you."

_Perhaps Q fears I've encroached on his domain. He may be billions of years old, but he's quite a baby. No good at sharing._

She couldn't repress the smile the comment engendered. But she wasn't letting R off the hook because of a clever comparison. "Even so, his actions seem a bit drastic."

R stood from the cell's bed and set to pacing across the small space.

_Q is boring._

"Maybe to you, but I need to understand things. What have been your interactions with Q in the past?"

_I'm not from this galaxy. Did you know?_

"Your point?"

_When I arrived, I searched for the most intelligent beings this galaxy had to offer. Imagine my disappointment when I found myself in the Q continuum._

Interesting. "So you've been to the continuum. What did the Q do?"

_Oh nothing really._

"Is that so?"

_Yes._

They continued on in that vain for a while more. That is, they talked in circles. At the end of the hour, Janeway felt as if it had all been a waste of time. The only thing of that could potentially be of any worth was the fact that R had visited the continuum.

Oh, and she noted that his appearance had been in flux. The height wavered between tall and short. The eyes would sometimes be blue and sometimes deep brown. The hair varied in length and color. It was as if he was having trouble deciding what to look like. She thought the changes had corresponded at times with the tone of their discussion, but perhaps she was imagining it.

No matter. She was thoroughly finished bantering with him. It was time to put her efforts to good use. She made her way to sickbay.

"Please tell me you've found something, Doctor," she asked when she entered his office.

Seven looked up as if she had something to say, but the Doctor spoke before the Borg had a chance. "I'm afraid not, Captain. Even under the most intense analysis, the tricorder readings have revealed no patterns and no information. We were just beginning to run some tests on his brain." He indicated the holographic brain suspended in midair above the desk. At least, Janeway assumed it was a brain. It didn't resemble any she'd ever seen.

The captain let out a sigh, but nodded. "Anything I can do?"

The Doctor frowned. "No offense, Captain, but biology isn't exactly your forte." He looked her up and down before adding, "Really, the best thing you can do is to get some rest. It's late, and I suspect you neglected sleep last night."

Janeway looked to Seven for support. The other woman simply raised both eyebrows and seemed to say, "he's right."

"Fine. Carry on, Doctor. Don't be afraid to wake me if you find anything useful."

When she arrived at her quarters, she had no intention of retiring. She needed to form an attack plan of sorts. When she next saw R, she'd be prepared with questions and follow-up questions and counter statements. She just had to go through everything she knew about him and all she knew about Q and surely she'd come up with something. She grabbed a PADD and got to work.

* * *

_She was on the farm, wandering through the orchard. It was a nice day. The sun was shining, but it wasn't too hot. A slight breeze kept the humidity at bay. The orchard was full of sounds, birds chirping being the most prominent, and somewhere in the distance, a babbling brook. But there was another sound too. An important, familiar sound._

_Barking._

_She looked to the source, and cried out with joy when she saw her Irish setter gamboling towards her._

"_Mollie!"_

_She wasted no time in dropping to her knees to properly greet her dog. She placed a hand on either side of Mollie's head and tousled her ears while the dog eagerly licked her face._

"_Oh I've missed you so much! Have you been a good girl?" she laughed, running her hands up and down Mollie's neck, patting and scratching. "Who's a good girl?"_

"_I am!"_

_Janeway froze. What? When she regained control of her motor functions, she looked around her, searching for whoever had spoken. There was no one else._

"_I am!"_

"_Mollie?" Janeway asked, feeling crazy._

_In response, the dog simply wagged her tail and licked Janeway's face with renewed vigor._

_When Janeway didn't continue petting Mollie, the lick stopped. Then, "You're not."_

"_What?" This obviously wasn't real._

"_You're not a good girl."_

_Well, if Mollie intended to keep talking, she might as well give her something to say. "Excuse me?'_

"_You've been a bad girl." She gave a whine to accentuate her words._

_"How, Mollie?"_

_ Instead of answering, the dog turned away and bounded through the trees._

_ Janeway stood and followed. She almost tripped on something. Looking down, she found it wasn't a tree root as expected. It was the Caretaker's remains. She inhaled sharply._

_ That hadn't been her fault. He'd been dying anyway._

_ Mollie returned to her side and nosed the object then looked meaningfully up at her. "Array." Then she was off again._

_ Janeway had to jog to keep up. They eventually came to a hill wasn't part of the real farm in Indiana. Mollie ran playfully up, so Janeway followed. Upon reaching the top, she instantly wished she hadn't._

_ On the other side of the hill was a graveyard. She didn't have to be close enough to read any of the headstones to know what it represented. There must have been a grave for every single death she had even the slightest part in while in the Delta Quadrant._

_ Mollie frolicked between the marble slabs and barked, "Come! Come Kathy!"_

_ Feeling cold and nauseated, Janeway complied. Her fingers brushed over the headstones she passed. There didn't seem to be any order to it. Tuvix. Quinn. Seska. Ransom. Names that appeared Kazon. Names that appeared Vidiian._

_ "Mollie, why are we here?"_

_ The Irish setter stopped rolling around in the grass. "Bad girl." She hopped nearer to her owner. Something had excited her because she started yapping nonstop. "Bad, very bad. So far away. I'm with child. Bad girl, Kathy. Where's Mark? Naughty, naughty. Never coming home. So bad. Bad, bad, bad."_

* * *

Janeway jolted awake when the PADD on her lap slipped to the floor with a clatter. Her neck and shoulders were sore from the awkward position on her couch in which she'd fallen asleep. But that pain was nothing compared to the word repeating through her mind.

_Bad._


	9. The Delusion

The hellish dream instilled in Janeway an even greater desire to succeed with diplomacy. She would not be responsible for another death. Not R's. Not Chakotay's. She collected the fallen PADD and began planning with renewed determination. But she couldn't concentrate.

"Computer, what time is it?"

"0300 hours."

"Janeway to the Doctor."

While waiting for a response, she began pacing. The emotions from the dream kept running through her mind. Joy at seeing Mollie. Confusion at hearing her speak. Guilt at seeing the Caretaker's remains. Horror at the graveyard she'd effectively dug.

_Bad, bad, bad._

Her pacing took her into the bedroom. It was clear by then the Doctor was not going to answer. She looked at the inviting sheets. There was nothing useful she could do in this frame of mind, especially not so early in the morning. And maybe if she slept, she could forget her nightmare.

Still in her uniform, Janeway crawled into bed and drifted into a restless sleep.

* * *

She awoke late. Not terribly so, but enough to make her regret wasted time. She replicated some coffee and rushed through morning preparations. When she studied the PADD she'd been working on the night before, she was disappointed. She must have been even more tired than she had thought. Her "attack plan" was practically nonsensical.

"Why are you R and not P? Do you know why Q isn't A?" she read aloud incredulously. "What the hell?" She tossed the worthless PADD onto the couch and rubbed the bridge of her nose. If the start of the day was any indication of how the day was going to go, Janeway half expected herself to find a way to eject the warp core and strand Voyager once and for all before dinner time.

She took a fortifying gulp of coffee before exiting her quarters to face the day.

She arrived at the brig at the same time as Mike Ayala. After they exchanged polite greetings, she told him she'd be taking his shift. She gave Ensign Gregson a nod of greeting before turning to look over R.

His appearance had developed further. He was short for the time being. Not just short, petite. The hair was mostly brown, but it was styled awkwardly. There was a misshapen mass of hair toward the back incongruent with the rest. The eyes were blue. His cheekbones had sharpened, the jaw as well. The overall effect was rather feminine. And there was something familiar too. But Janeway couldn't quite put a finger on it.

_Ah. Captain Kathryn Janeway. Have you come to kill me?_

The fact that it was her own voice resonating in her mind gave the question and even more macabre ring.

"No."

_That's a relief, I'm sure._

"Are you going to be helpful today?"

_I intend to be, yes._

"So about Q—"

_The fixation on Q isn't healthy, Kathryn—may I call you Kathryn?_

She glared, attempting to portray the extent of her contempt with just her eyes and flared nostrils. "I thought—"

_I'm going to be helpful, Kathryn. More helpful than you can imagine. But things will go better if you let me do the thinking._

She snorted.

_Let's talk about Chakotay._

The glare on her face was quickly replaced by a look of astonishment. She truly was speechless for a minute. That was the last thing she could have anticipated coming from this stranger. She tried to pull herself together by clearing her throat.

"I'd rather not," she said, not as nonchalantly as planned.

R smiled and shook slightly. She realized he was laughing.

_Isn't that the truth, Kathryn. Talking about Chakotay is hard. Much more complicated than even temporal mechanics. Easier to push it to the back of your mind and pretend there's not a problem._

Janeway was determined not to let R shock her again. She took everything in stride and raised only an eyebrow in mild interest. "Are you through?"

R ignored her. _That doesn't make the problem go away. In fact, ignoring it makes it bigger._

"Enough of this," she said coldly. "Either you answer my questions or I leave."

_Is that supposed to be a threat? What do I lose by your absence? I always have other people to talk to._

"I can change my mind." In Ensign Gregson's presence she daren't say more. But she was sure R would understand what she was referring to. Hopefully, he didn't also realize it was an empty threat. Her dream had been too painfully true for her to actually kill him.

_Ask away, Kathryn._

* * *

When the hour was up, Janeway still wasn't sure she'd learned anything useful. R had answered questions, but she didn't think any of his answers were truth. Nor did she think they were false. Each was a frustrating blend of fact and fiction. R was a master of manipulation both of people and words.

The headache pounding in her skull convinced her to go to sickbay. She could get something for her head and check on the Doctor's progress at the same time. Efficient. Well, nothing Seven would be proud of, but it had been a difficult morning.

"Doctor, report!" Her tone was more demanding than it needed to be, but it felt nice to be in control of something again.

The Doctor, noticeably peeved by her attitude, snarkily replied, "Easy. We've found nothing."

Janeway rubbed her face exasperatedly with one hand. R was proving to be many times more agitating than Q, something she didn't think possible. Though, it was Q's fault R was there in the first place, so causation factored into the equation somehow.

"Sorry for being short with you, Doctor. I just find the situation insufferable," she said after a few deep breaths. "Would you be so kind as to give me something for this headache?"

Seven approached her while the Doctor prepared a hypospray. "Captain, I might have something of use," she said in a low voice. She didn't elaborate because the Doctor was quickly back within earshot.

"Here you go, Captain," he said, pressing the instrument to her neck.

"Thank you, Doctor," Janeway said. "Seven, if you could accompany for a moment."

The pair exited sickbay and walked only a short distance down the corridor, enough to turn a corner.

"What is it, Seven?" Janeway asked, allowing just a ray of hope to color her words.

"The Doctor disapproves," Seven said matter-of-factly, "But I believe I can easily develop a weapon against the alien using my nanoprobes."

Janeway deflated a little. "I don't want to kill him, Seven."

Seven quirked an eyebrow. "Do you have another method of neutralizing the threat he poses to this ship? He may not have been a danger to us previously, but since Q brought him aboard, I believe we've made a powerful enemy that cannot be stopped without deadliest force."

Seven was right. Well, she would be right if R was really an enemy. But Janeway wasn't sure yet. He was belligerent, but that didn't make him bad necessarily.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said after some thought. "Thank you for letting me know."

"Of course, Captain."

Seven returned to sickbay, and Janeway made her way slowly down to the brig, thinking hard.

Once there, she dismissed one of the crewmen on duty, and politely greeted the other. She was determined to win this round with R.

Her resolve shook a bit, however, when she observed R's appearance.

"What do you think you're doing?"

_Yeah, not the best form. Weak, I think, but it serves some purposes._

"Stop." Her vehemence was palpable. She tried not to notice the crewman shift uncomfortably at the console.

R gave a crooked smile with a slightly raised eyebrow.

She scowled in return.

_What? Did I not do it right? Or maybe you didn't realize how absurd you look._

From tightly pulled bun to booted toe, R had adopted her exact likeness.

_You know, the hair was fun to try, but it's not working for me. Now how do you usually have it? Something like this?_

The bun dissolved before Janeway's eyes and seemed to melt the rest of the hair longer until it stopped short of the shoulders with the slightest curl at the end.

"I'll do it. Don't think I won't."

R flashed a toothy grin._ You can't fool me, Kathryn. As you can see, we're one and the same._

"That's not how it works."

_How would you know? You don't know anything about me._

Janeway swallowed hard.

"What do you want?"

_Let's talk about Chakotay._

She exhaled in exasperation and rolled her eyes. "Why? What can you possibly gain from that?"

_I told you I'd be helpful today._

Janeway shot a glance at the crewman behind her. He looked at her with eyebrows raised in helplessness. He had no idea what was going on. With a sigh, Janeway brought both hands together and brought them to her face so her chin could rest in the crook of her thumbs. She stared at R pensively.

"Alright. I'll humor you."

_Glad you're finally ready to face your fears. Where should we start?_

She simply stared in answer.

_Ah yes. You love him._

"Maybe."

_I can work with maybe. _R walked to the very front of the cell, nose inches from the forcefield. _Why haven't you told him?_

"You know why."

_Say it out loud._

"I think not."

_Okay, I'll help you out with this one. You're afraid to feel. You already have so much responsibility. Already have enough people dependent on you. You can't handle someone being even more dependent. Especially not Chakotay because, in turn, it will make you dependent _on him.

"How is this helpful?"

_I'm going to help you change your mind._

R spent hours, _hours_, detailing possible outcomes of a relationship between Janeway and Chakotay. Really, detailing. Every single possibility was explored. Not all of the outcomes were good. A fair share ended in disaster or heartbreak or both. But so many of them were brilliant. Not perfect, none of them were perfect, but they exceeded her expectations.

The longer R spoke, the more enthralled Janeway became. Her surroundings slipped away, and she slowly but surely forgot that she was speaking to an alien, not a version of her from an alternate reality.

Eventually R's form changed again. One moment he was Kathryn Janeway describing the mental capabilities of her firstborn, and the next he was Chakotay simply sitting and staring at her with a smile.

The change jolted her somewhat. A fundamental part of her brain set off warnings. She attempted to rouse herself from the stupor she was in, but her metaphorically ruffled feathers were smoothed as if an invisible hand was stroking her mind.

"Kathryn, I love you," the Chakotay said. "I've always loved you."

She shook her head slightly. This couldn't be real. She and Chakotay had an unspoken agreement. Something like this was strictly prohibited. Her face hardened and her eyes narrowed at the figure before her.

"Kathryn, what's wrong?" he asked her, light concern playing clearly on his face. "Are you still afraid? Why can't you let your heart have a say for once?"

The words hurt. She had let her heart have a say. That's why she was in this ridiculous mess to begin with.

"Come here, my beautiful woman warrior," Chakotay urged. "Let me kiss you. Don't you secretly want to know what it will feel like?"

She stared long and hard at him. She scarcely moved as she considered his offer. The hand was at her mind again, so soothing. She remembered the night so long ago when he had told her the legend of the angry warrior. The memory of their hands clasped together surfaced in her mind. It had felt so right. But it should have been their lips.

He was right. She did secretly want to know his kiss. But why was it secret? She couldn't think of a good reason. Each time she began to come up with an argument, her mind was wiped blank. And every time she thought of Chakotay, she had trouble breathing.

Finally. "Okay. Yes." And she made toward him.

There was a loud sound—yelling?—but she ignored it and took another step.

Something was in her way. Or rather someone. They were attempting to keep her from Chakotay. She wouldn't allow it.

"Let me go," she demanded, struggling against them.

They didn't heed her. Why didn't they listen? She was the captain! The desire to finally give in and fall into Chakotay's arms was so strong, and her frustration mounted. The result was angry, unbidden tears.

The person said something to her. The words were like molasses, taking far too long for her to comprehend.

"Kathryn." That was her.

"If…it…will…help…" Getting out of the way would help.

"Kill…me." Wait what? Who was this person? She willed her eyes to focus on the large, dark fuzzy mass.

Dark brown eyes. A tattoo. Chakotay.

"What?"

Instantly reality crashed back into place around her. She was in the brig. R was in the cell. Chakotay held her with both hands. Chakotay was offering to…die?

"If it helps you, you can kill me," the man repeated sincerely.

Why was he saying that?

But as she looked into his eyes, saw the concern and the love there, she found it didn't matter.

She tried her voice. It was tight with emotion, but it worked. "Thank you, Chakotay. It does help."

The hands at her shoulders loosened slightly. For a moment, Chakotay looked like he was going to run as far away from her as possible. But he stood firm and nodded.

If she didn't feel so miserable, she would have laughed. As it was, she just leaned her forehead to his shoulder and sighed. "No, I'm not going to kill you," she said. "It's you words that helped. You've cleared my mind."

Chakotay visibly relaxed with a slight chuckle and pulled her into a tight embrace.

_Touching._

Janeway pulled away enough to look at R. His appearance was entirely changed. Demon-like was the best she could describe it.

"I think that forcefield has proven itself," she said quietly. "I don't think anyone should be in here with him. He's just proved how dangerous he really is."

Chakotay released her and nodded. "We can monitor him remotely."

_I'll have you, Kathryn Janeway._

It was a voice she hadn't yet heard. Concentrated malice. It induced chills instantly throughout the extent of her body.

_I'll have you, and we will see how your precious _Voyager_ fares without her captain._

In her state of shock, Janeway didn't protest when Chakotay lead her gingerly from the room. Her mind whirred, processing the threat and what her reaction should be.

Chakotay interrupted her thoughts. "We need to get you to sickbay." His words were somewhat hesitant. She knew it was because he knew how much she disliked being a patient.

Janeway somehow managed a smile. "Yes," she replied, obviously surprising him. "I needed to talk to the Doctor anyway." She took off ahead of Chakotay and didn't turn back to see the puzzled smile on his face.


	10. The Kill

Kathryn did not cooperate once in sickbay. She apparently had another agenda in mind, and it took Chakotay and the Doctor a lot of time to coax her into even being scanned.

"Please hold still, Captain," the Doctor urged, waving the tricorder around her head.

Kathryn complied only for a moment before she tapped her combadge. "Janeway to Seven of Nine. Report to sickbay."

"Yes, Captain."

"Is there anything wrong, Doctor?" Chakotay asked when the EMH had finished scanning. Or rather when he gave up scanning. As usual, Chakotay was more concerned about Kathryn's health than she was.

"As far as I can tell, which is a lot less than I would like to, no," the Doctor said. "The captain is fine now. But there is evidence of tampering in her brain. There's no question R did something."

That was stating the obvious. "But, physically, there's nothing wrong now?"

"Yes, Commander. But I don't know the extent of R's abilities. I believe it entirely possible for the captain to have a relapse."

"I doubt it," Kathryn said. She seemed unperturbed by the men talking about her as if she wasn't there.

"To be safe, you should stay in sickbay until R has left Voyager. There may be something latent in your mind that he can switch back on."

"I can't stay in sickbay, Doctor," Kathryn said firmly.

"But—"

"I've got things to do elsewhere. I'm leaving."

"Captain, I must insist. You could be in grave danger."

"I'm too busy for grave danger, Doctor." She slid from the biobed she was sitting on.

Chakotay decided to intervene. "Captain, the Doctor raised a valid concern. We need you at your mental best."

For a moment she stared at him, blue eyes scrutinizing, and he could practically see the inner battle played therein.

Finally she conceded and hopped back onto the biobed. "Give me a cortical monitor if it will make you feel any better."

The look on the Doctor's face indicated it wouldn't but he left to prepare a cortical monitor nonetheless.

Chakotay sat with Kathryn in silence while they waited. He discreetly observed her appearance. From the bags under her eyes, to the wisps of hair that had fallen from place in the struggle they'd had in the brig, to the way her hands mindlessly gripped then released the fabric of her uniform pants on her knees. She wasn't in the best condition, but she was definitely Kathryn.

He inhaled sharply when he flicked his gaze back to her face and realized she was watching him look at her. He didn't look away though. It was an opportunity to see behind the mask by way of her eyes. They were sad and conflicted but gleamed with steely determination.

"Here you go, Captain," the Doctor said, interrupting the moment as he placed the monitor on her neck.

Seven arrived shortly after. "You need to see me, Captain?"

Kathryn rose to her feet. "You and the Doctor are going to develop those nanoprobes."

Seven nodded but the Doctor objected. "Excuse me, Captain, but you realize what those nanoprobes would do?"

"I know _exactly_ what they will do."

"Well, I don't. Why don't you enlighten me?" Chakotay said, concerned by the tension that had risen between Kathryn and the EMH.

Seven obliged before either of the other two could stop her. "I have designed a version of the nanoprobe that can effectively kill R by attacking his brain structure."

Chakotay blinked before asking, "Kill?" The question was directed toward Kathryn.

"Yes." The hardness in her tone matched the determination in her eyes.

"Captain, I cannot harm R," the Doctor said.

"You can and you will, Doctor. That's an order. He's a threat and needs to be dealt with." Kathryn looked to Seven. "When will you be done?"

"Two hours at most, Captain."

"Good. Do it."

Chakotay followed Kathryn out but didn't say anything until they were in the turbolift en route to the bridge. "This seems drastic, Kathryn."

She looked at him with eyebrows slightly raised. "What else would you have me do, Chakotay?"

"Have Q take him back. This isn't our fight."

She lowered her hands to her hips in a defensive stance. "Q won't take him anywhere. And it became our fight the moment R set foot on my ship."

"There has to be a different option."

"There isn't Chakotay. I've tried the other options already, and all it got us was you offering to kill yourself." She raised one hand from her hip to smooth back stray wisps of hair. "I'm going to do this with or without your support. It won't be easy, and I don't want to, but given what's happened in the last twenty four hours, I don't really have a choice." Both hands dropped to her sides. The defensive stance was gone. "I'd like to know you're here for me, Chakotay."

He'd seen the results when he promised his support and then broke the promise. He's also seen what happened when he opposed her outright. Neither outcome was desirable. It seemed to him that the best option would be to offer his support and mean it. It wasn't easy; he didn't understand her motivations, and he disagreed with her actions. But she needed him.

"If you say there's no other way, then I trust you."

The turbolift stopped and the doors opened, but Chakotay and Kathryn stood still. Her eyes flicked between each of his. The rapid movement always made him feel like she was reading him.

"Thank you."

Then she entered the bridge in full captain mode and apprised Tuvok of the recent developments in R's supervision.

* * *

Seven and the Doctor had the nanoprobes ready ahead of schedule.

"R is too dangerous to approach at this time, so we have devised an airborne strand of nanoprobes. I suggest a level ten containment field around the entire brig area to ensure the nanoprobes do not spread anywhere else on the ship," Seven explained, addressing the senior officers in the briefing room.

"They'll be fast acting?" Kathryn asked.

"The nanoprobes are efficient. Results will be evident after a minute at the latest."

The captain slapped both hands on the table. "Let's do it. Tuvok, the containment field. Seven, the nanoprobes."

Chakotay was surprised. She was being much too casual about this. It was if they were doing nothing more exciting than testing a new shield technology rather than executing a practically unknown alien.

Seven went down to environmental controls to set up the nanoprobe dispersion. Kathryn pulled up the brig on the view screen. R was sitting in the middle of the cell, doing nothing. Everyone in the room, except Tuvok, wrinkled their nose in disgust when they noticed the slime oozing from his body.

"Seven to the Captain."

"Do it, Seven."

Chakotay halfway expected a dark, ominous vapor to pour from the vents. In reality, there was no visible threat. R lifted his head to look around but did not appear alarmed or worried.

The minute mark came and went. R did not suddenly drop dead or collapse in a fit or spontaneously combust.

"Seven, what's going on?" Kathryn asked urgently.

"The nanoprobes were properly dispersed, Captain. I do not understand their failure."

"Doctor, get down there and take a couple scans. Find out what went wrong and you and Seven fix it. Let me know when we're ready for take two."

"Engineering to Lt. Torres."

Kathryn nodded for B'Elanna to take the call.

"Torres here. Go ahead, Vorik."

"The force field in the brig is failing. At the present, there is only minor damage, but I suggest you come at once."

"On my way."

All present exchanged nervous glances before Harry and B'Elanna headed to engineering.

Kathryn looked to the EMH. "Make it fast, Doctor."

"Yes, Captain."

"Tuvok, put the ship at red alert. Make sure everyone knows to report any unusual behavior."

"Yes, Captain."

"Everyone else, it's business as usual until Seven and the Doctor have something for us, but be on your guard. We really still have no idea what we're dealing with."

* * *

A force field was placed around the entirety of the deck containing the brig. It was necessary after several crewmembers attempted to enter the brig while exhibiting symptoms similar to Kathryn's while R had been manipulating her. One of the occurrences had resulted in a crewman viciously assaulting another when he was prevented from reaching his objective. Both crewmen were in sickbay.

R's power and influence were growing, and they were as of yet unable to stop him. Thanks to B'Elanna's ingenuity, the forcefield was holding, but just barely.

The Doctor's scans had revealed the nanoprobes were unable to enter R's brain. But neither he nor Seven knew what modifications could be made to remedy the problem.

"Could its airborne quality be the cause of the failure?" Kathryn asked. She and Chakotay had joined Seven and the Doctor in sickbay.

"I don't see how. Any breathing organism should have been dead in a matter of seconds."

"Maybe he doesn't breathe," Chakotay suggested. The others considered him with inquiring expressions. "Your scans can't pick up any definite information on his body. What if he doesn't actually have a body? He could be a floating brain or something, and what we see is a projection he puts straight into our heads."

"Interesting theory. It has merit, but the nanoprobes would have adhered to the brain with or without projections of a false body," Seven said.

"He must have some sort of protections. Brains are vulnerable and delicate. He probably has a skull of some sort."

"Then we need to break it." Kathryn's tone was harsh. It made Chakotay clench his jaw. "We'll have to enter the cell and apply the nanoprobes by force."

"Captain, I don't think that's possible. We've seen how powerful R's abilities are _through a forcefield._ Imagine how dangerous he'd be without that barrier," the Doctor contended.

"Looks like you're the man for the job then."

"I'm afraid not."

"Doctor?"

The EMH seemed reluctant to explain himself. "I don't know how, but I believe R has gained access to my program. When I was with him last, I had a very difficult time completing my task. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced."

The Doctor's revelation was met with silence.

Kathryn broke it. "Prepare more nanoprobes Make it possible to administer them by hand."

"To what end, Captain?"

"I'll need them to kill R."

"No offense, Captain, but R has already demonstrated substantial control over you," the Doctor pointed out.

"It has to be me. I'll be able to resist this time. Though, it'd be helpful if you could come up with something to protect my mind."

"I don't like it," Chakotay said, moving his hand protectively to her elbow.

In reply, Kathryn emphatically repeated, "It has to be me."

* * *

It took more argument on Kathryn's behalf, but eventually she convinced the Doctor and Seven to help her kill R with her bare hands. It pained Chakotay to watch her prepare herself for such an encounter.

But action was becoming increasingly necessary. Almost half the crew had had intermittent bouts of hallucination and manipulation. Nothing serious had resulted yet, but it was only a matter of time. Especially since the forcefield continued to degrade.

The last preparation was a hypospray from the Doctor. He'd protected Kathryn from the hive mind of the Borg collective, and Chakotay had faith the Doctor could protect her from R as well, but he was still nervous.

Chakotay accompanied Kathryn to the turbolift. He put a hand on her shoulder and wished her luck. She thanked him and stepped into the 'lift.

Chakotay hurried back to sickbay to watch Kathryn's progress on the view screen with Seven and the Doctor.

He forgot to breathe the moment she entered the brig. R leapt violently to his feet and approached the containment field, his skeletal form tall and imposing. Kathryn hesitated at first, but then strode purposefully toward the cell and straight through the field.

The two circled each other warily like boxers in a ring. Chakotay knew the real fight was happening inside Kathryn's head. He wished he could see it, wished he could be there to guide her in the right direction. Actually, he wished he could do it for her. As it was, he sat by helplessly. Her facial expressions were the only indicators of her status.

Without warning, the pair flung themselves toward each other, and Chakotay thought he was going to be sick. _His_ Kathryn was passionately kissing the revolting, skeletal monster that was R.

It wasn't until Seven looked at him with a look of apprehension that Chakotay realized he had vocalized some sort of sound of distress. The sound turned into a gasp when Kathryn abruptly broke the kiss and pulled brutally at R's head. His image flickered and faltered until at last he was nothing more than an exotic looking rock oozing black slime.

Kathryn staggered away from it until she found support against a bulkhead. He couldn't be sure with the resolution of the view screen, but Chakotay swore she was crying. Instantly he felt the need to run to her side and put her broken pieces back together.

But before he could move, Q had materialized beside Kathryn, scooped her into his arms and disappeared.

Chakotay was going to kill him.


	11. The Explanation

When the first attempt to kill R failed, Janeway half expected Q to pop out of a bulkhead and tell her she'd passed the test and the nightmare was over. It was wishful thinking. This was a task she really did have to carry to completion.

She didn't want to, but she was well and truly trapped into a corner. Seven's words had helped her come to terms with what had to be done. "…we've made a powerful enemy that cannot be stopped without deadliest force." And of course, the threat R had made against her was taken very seriously in her mind.

But Chakotay was what cemented her resolution. She wasn't going to lose him. She couldn't. Perhaps the decision should have been easy. Chakotay's life or a dark alien that would probably kill them all given the chance.

In a way it was. While she was the captain, and fully responsible for all happening, she'd been able to shift the worst of it to Seven and the Doctor. Seven was ultimately the one to do the killing. Well, if the nanoprobes had worked.

Now there was a problem. The simple solution had failed. But as Chakotay spoke about projected bodies and a floating brain, she knew nothing about this problem was easy or simple.

If she was going to bloody her hand's with R's death, she was really going to have to bloody them. The Doctor's admission of also being manipulated sealed her fate.

And though everyone was against the idea, against her, it had to be her.

* * *

The preparations were relatively simple. Seven outfitted Janeway with a special glove that would release the nanoprobes once they were in contact with R's brain. The Doctor applied a hypospray to help shield her mind. She mentally geared herself up for what was to come.

But R, even from decks below, kept whispering to her in her own voice. _Bad Kathryn. Bad girl. Bad._

She would have lost her nerve if Chakotay had not been there. He was staying true to his promise to trust and support her. He didn't even pry or ask why she was doing what she was. He just kept a gentle presence at her side.

"Good luck, Kathryn," he said sincerely at the turbolift doors.

"Thank you." There were so many things she was tempted to say. She felt as if she were heading to her death and thought he ought to hear her say she loved him at least once. But all the old fears and arguments held her tongue.

_Kathryn. Bad girl._

She entered the 'lift and descended, trepidation radiating in her stomach. Once she exited onto the deck, an unexpected silence met her. Perhaps the Doctor's hypospray had kicked in.

Janeway made her way to the brig, flexing her gloved right hand all along the way. The brig door opened with a hiss. From that vantage point, she couldn't actually see R in his cell. But the moment she crossed the threshold, the alien appeared and leered at her through the forcefield.

She was relieved to see she still perceived him as a demon and not someone familiar. It boosted her confidence enough for her to venture into his cell. As soon as she was through the containment field, R took Chakotay's form and shouted into her mind using Chakotay's voice.

_Kathryn! Do you have any idea what you're doing?_

On this side of the force field, she didn't need to speak aloud for her thoughts to be heard.

_You can't fool me this time, R. Take off the disguise._

They began a cautious dance, maintaining eye contact and a certain distance between them. If Janeway concentrated hard enough, R's form reverted back to a demon.

_I'm not trying to fool you, Kathryn. I'm trying to free you. Free you from your emotions._

She flinched when she felt the almost palpable touch of R's influence stroke her mind. In response to his touch, the edges of her vision began to blur. She shifted all her concentration to combat the attractive pull. The result was temporary clarity, but she couldn't help but see Chakotay in the cell with her.

_Do you remember the future I told you about? Where we can both be happy and in each other's arms?_

_ It wasn't real. You're not real._

Without breaking his pace, R shrugged his arms wide. _I'm right here. Of course I'm real._

_You're an illusion. A hallucination_. Her focus was slipping. R was edging further into her mind. She was helpless as he began numbing her consciousness.

_Come here. Come touch me. Know I'm real._

_ NO! _She wasn't going to give up.

_Kiss me, Kathryn._

_ No, no, no!_ She wasn't sure what she was saying no to. She just knew it was important she keep saying it.

_Kathryn!_

_ Chakotay?_ What was he doing there?

_I love you._

It's about time he finally said it. She let herself get lost in his dark eyes before returning the sentiment. _I love you too._

He gestured for her to approach him, and she did so willingly, enthusiastically. Their mouths met in a deep kiss. She frantically ran her hands along his arms, his neck, his face, through his hair, clutching hungrily.

Then, something wasn't right. His head didn't feel as it should. There was something along the back that didn't belong. She felt it with the fingers of both hands. It was…a crack?

Awareness flooded her mind. In one fluid but violent motion, she pulled away from R and yanked with both hands at the crack. The result was a sickening crunch that belied a bigger opening in the skull.

Janeway pushed her gloved hand as far into the opening as she could. She felt rather than saw the moment he died. The sludge on her fingers went cold, and a great weight was lifted from her mind.

Her legs could no longer support her. He stomach was going to empty itself. There was no way to stop the onslaught of tears. She would've fainted against the bulkhead if someone hadn't wrapped their arms around her and held her close to their chest.

She struggled to regain her composure and noticed the change in environment as a result. She was held firmly in someone's lap. The surroundings were just barely light enough for her to recognize her quarters. Had she passed out after all?

"Chakotay?"

A thumb brushed tears from her cheeks, and she was answered only by a quiet shush.

When her breathing had returned to normal, she spoke again. "How did I get here?"

"It's one of my specialties, dear."

"Q?" She scrambled off his lap and to her feet. Surprisingly, he helped her do so and arose as well.

Indicating his vacated spot, he said, "You should sit, Kathy."

The sincerity and softness in his tone convinced her to comply. Gone was the sinister Q from the previous few days. In front of her stood a Q full of contrition.

Janeway didn't quite care. "Are you here to finally explain yourself?" she asked, growing angrier with each word despite Q's apologetic face. "Ready to explain why the hell any of this has happened?"

"There's no need to be hysterical, Kathy," Q said calmly. He almost patted her hands, but wisely decided against physical contact.

"You licked my face!"

"Oh that was just as unpleasant for me as it was for you. Coffee!" He stuck out his tongue and gagged to belabor the point.

Janeway practically gaped at him. He was unbelievable.

Q took the hint. Now was no time for jokes. Pain shone in his eyes before he hung his head abashedly. "I know. I'm terribly sorry. I won't make excuses. I just want you to understand what happened."

Q's humility grounded Janeway. Her anger wasn't soothed, but she was willing to hear him out.

He sat cross-legged on the floor in front of her. "It started when R appeared in the continuum. We weren't prepared, not at all. We didn't know what he was. He quickly gained control."

"What do you mean 'gained control?'"

"He corrupted the continuum. The powers of all the Q were hindered so we couldn't fight back. Then he filled our minds with darkness. For a while he used us to wreak havoc, enact travesties. All of us, including Junior."

Possibly for the first time ever, Janeway felt her heart go out to Q as his voice cracked over his son's name.

"I couldn't stand it, and I managed to escape. The darkness remained and my powers were still limited, but I was free. But I still needed help. I had to free the rest of the continuum. You were the first person I thought of. I tried to ask for your help, but everything I did was twisted, tainted by R's influence."

The room was still dark, but Janeway could see the intense sorrow in Q's eyes.

"I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. I would have never abused you in the way I did if I had been myself."

"Why…Why did your plan have to be so awful?" Her voice trembled in spite of herself.

"All I wanted was to get rid of R. The darkness filled in the blanks. Kathy, please understand how deeply sorry I am. I'll do anything to make it up to you. Just name it."

She stared at him, somewhat disbelieving. "Q, this isn't something you can fix with a snap of your fingers. Not unless you can prevent it all from happening in the first place."

"I know that. But isn't there anything I can do to make coping with this easier?"

Janeway placed her face in both hands. "No."

She couldn't see him, but she heard him stand up and felt him rest a hand on her shoulder.

"If you think of anything, let me know. I'll do it right away."

The smell of coffee reached her nostrils. A steaming mug was set in her lap. "I'm sorry, Kathy. I'll leave now."

Only when the tantalizing scent of coffee overpowered her desire to shrink into nonexistence did Janeway move. The beverage was still warm and tasted perfect. It strengthened her enough to be ready to answer her door when it chimed.

Quite predictably, it was her ever concerned first officer. Janeway's heart skipped a beat as she remembered the events in the cell with R. Chakotay had been watching. Probably the whole crew had been watching.

She was sick with shame. If violent murder wasn't enough to shock her crew, kissing R certainly was. She couldn't decide whether it was a good thing or not that she was the only one to have seen R take Chakotay's form.

"Commander?" She used his title on purpose. She needed that boundary.

"Kathryn, are you alright?"

"I…" How could she answer without blatantly lying? "I'm breathing at least."

"You should come to sickbay. Just to make sure."

"Make sure I'm breathing?" She let herself smile slightly.

"You know what I mean."

This stilted conversation wasn't what she wanted, but nor was playful banter, nor intimate soul spilling. What she really wanted was to be alone.

"Have the Doctor come here. I'm afraid the captain will be taking the rest of the week off."


	12. The Confrontation

Chakotay stared at Kathryn's closed door for a long time. He knew she was in there. He knew Q was there as well.

He and Seven had both rushed to her quarters as soon as they'd seen Q take her. Tuvok joined them as well. She didn't answer the chime. Her personal entry code didn't work. The security override code didn't work. Brute strength didn't work.

Tuvok had called their efforts to a halt. Logic dictated that the captain wouldn't be harmed. Q had never harmed her before. And trying to go against the will of Q was futile. It wasn't logical to waste any more time or energy. They'd see the captain soon enough, he'd said.

Chakotay refused to listen, but he was out of ideas as well. Seven and Tuvok left him outside Kathryn's quarters, staring, willing the door to open just because he wished it.

He used the time to think. He was having difficulty getting his head around everything that'd happened. Kathryn's behavior was puzzling to him, but he felt if he could just understand it, he could help her.

His thoughts were organized chronologically, more or less, the moments they'd shared together over the past couple days. First there'd been the incident on the bridge right after her encounter with Q. She'd been scared, particularly of him. Following that, she'd been evasive. But then there'd been his collapse and subsequent time in sickbay. She'd been worried and caring. And the next day, in the briefing room, she'd nearly opened up to let him in. But something had changed as soon as he touched her. She became distant and upset at his presence.

The most baffling event yet was when he'd saved her from R by offering his life. If anything, Chakotay expected such a bizarre thing to alienate Kathryn even more. But from that moment on, she'd scarcely allowed him to leave her side. She'd asked for his support and seemed genuinely pleased to receive it.

And now here she was, locked in a room. Spirits knew how she'd receive him when she was finally freed. He suspected she'd be standoffish. The only pattern he could discern so far was that she was most out of sorts after meeting with Q.

But why?

He would have stood in front of her door a while longer, but approaching crewmen pulled him from his pondering. Loath as he was to admit it, Tuvok was right. When Kathryn was available, she'd let them know. And he suspected she wouldn't be ready until long after Q's departure.

Chakotay opted to wait it out in his quarters. The doors swished open, and he found himself face to face with Q. With a snarl, he grabbed him by the front of his jacket and slammed him into the nearest bulkhead. "What did you do to her?"

Q merely looked at him, startled but not altogether surprised. "I know I deserve this, but I'd prefer a civilized conversation."

Chakotay tightened his grip but took time to look at the man. His eyes lacked the devilish gleam. In fact he looked penitent. "Civilized? You?" he growled. But he released him nonetheless.

Q brushed down his chest and straightened his jacket. "Not so hard was it?"

"What did you do?" Chakotay repeated.

The man rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm not here to talk about Kathy." Before Chakotay grabbed him again, he held up a hand. "She'll have to tell you herself. You're her closest friend, after all. I'm sure she'll share eventually."

Chakotay suspected Q was taunting him, but he fervently hoped he was right about Kathryn. "What do you want then?"

"I'm here to apologize." Q made a small bow.

Chakotay snorted. Even his apologies were accompanied by the usual Q arrogance. "I'm supposed to believe that?"

Popping back upright, Q waved a nonchalant hand. "I don't really care if you believe me or not. I'm sorry for using you to manipulate your captain. It was a dreadful thing to do. It had to be done, but I'm still sorry it happened."

"You didn't seem very sorry at the time. You were enjoying it."

Q stood very still. "That was then."

"Why did it 'have to be done?'"

"I've already filled Kathy in with all the details. It would be a bore to repeat them."

"Tell me!"

"Nope, you'll have to ask Kathy." He wisely took a few steps out of Chakotay's reach and crossed his arms petulantly. "And I'd ask her soon. Poor dear. I'm afraid of what might happen if she tries to keep everything in much longer." He yawned and winked. "You know, it's far past my bedtime. Better get back to the continuum."

Chakotay wasn't able to stop him from leaving, but he decided to take his advice. He hurried to Kathryn's quarters and rang the chime.

He almost released a sigh of relief when she answered. There was a little redness around her eyes, but she looked fine besides. He decided to let her have the first word, even though he was dying to ask her everything.

"Commander?"

Formality. Just as he'd thought.

"Kathryn, are you alright?"

"I…I'm breathing at least."

That was more honesty than he'd expected quite frankly.

"You should come to sickbay. Just to make sure."

"Make sure I'm breathing?"

His heart swooped at the tiny smile that played on her lips.

"You know what I mean," he said, returning a smile of his own.

As expected, she rebuffed his offer. "Have the Doctor come here. I'm afraid the captain will be taking the rest of the week off."

* * *

Kathryn didn't make it 'til the rest of the week. She barely lasted twenty-four hours before she was back on the job.

When she showed up on the bridge for the early shift, Chakotay first noticed she'd cut her hair. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but he took it as a plea for normality. She was intent on putting recent events behind her forever.

Chakotay would have been happy to let her do so, if she wasn't adversely affected. She thought she was doing the best thing, but it was actually a sneaky act of self harm. Loving Kathryn was one of the most frustrating things Chakotay had ever done. Why couldn't the impossible woman just talk to him?

He saw her hurting and yearned to heal her, but he was helpless until she told him specifically what was wrong. Q's warning hung heavily on his mind. He suspected that the act of talking things over would be healing enough.

He tried to be accommodating at first. Asking discreet questions, prodding only gently, and respecting her desire to keep quiet. But time on the bridge was becoming uncomfortable for all involved. And she was still distressed even if he was the only one that could see it. More direct measures had to be taken.

He knew Kathryn was in her quarters. He knew she was awake. He wasn't going to give her the chance to ignore him or dismiss him. He knew her entry code, and he used it.

She wasn't in her sitting room. Nor was she in her bedroom. A quiet splash informed him she was taking a bath. That gave him pause. He wasn't sure whether he was prepared to invade her privacy in such a way. He could always come back later…

No. He was going to do it right then. He wouldn't go another day with Kathryn in silent pain sitting beside him.

He entered her bathroom with a purposeful stride and called her name. She was lying back with a washcloth over her eyes, so he considered it only fair that he should announce his presence.

A bit of water sloshed from the tub as Kathryn bolted upright. Her arms crossed defensively across her chest, but so many bubbles clung to her that it was unnecessary.

"Chakotay! How did—? I'm a little busy at the moment." Her pale skin reddened with a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

"I'm here to talk about what happened," Chakotay said, painfully aware that he was blushing as well. "I'm not leaving until you unload your misery."

"No! Get out!"

Chakotay shook his head and stood his ground.

"That's an order, Commander."

"Then throw me in the brig."

Her eyes widened, but only for a moment before she narrowed them and said, "Agreed. I'll call Tuvok right away."

Chakotay darted forward and snatched her combadge from the side of the tub before she could reach it. "You can call Tuvok after our chat."

"Give that back!" She looked as if she was going to lunge at him but at the last moment recalled her naked state. She also noticed the bubbles dissipating from her person. She quickly submerged herself to the neck.

Chakotay tried not to grin. "You can have it after you tell me what Q did."

Even in such a vulnerable situation, Kathryn's death glare was formidable.

Chakotay worried she'd skip Tuvok and the brig in favor of strangling him with her bare hands. At least he'd see her naked before he died.

"I'm only going to say this one more time. Get out."

"Talk to me first."

Flared nostrils were her only response.

"I'll wait here all night if I have to. And those bubbles aren't going to last."

She surreptitiously inspected the water to make sure she was still had enough cover for the time being. Then she scowled as Chakotay let out a chuckle. After some mental deliberation, she finally said, "Fine. We'll talk. But wait out on the couch while I get dressed, or else I'll accidentally confuse an airlock for the brig and jettison your miserable hide into space."

Victory. Those were terms he could accept. But he left with one last teasing remark. "I can only promise five minutes. Any longer and I'll come to get you."

Kathryn was ready in two minutes. She chose to sit in her chair instead of the couch. Not a promising start.

"What do you want to know?"

"Explain what happened. What argument did Q have with R and why were you a part of it?"

"R took over the continuum. He made everyone a little evil and used them for evil. Q escaped and came to me for help. With R dead, everything in the continuum would go back to normal." She spoke without expression.

"Why didn't Q just kill R himself?"

"Q was still under R's control to an extent. His power was limited."

That made sense. "And that's why Q was behaving so strangely. Because of R."

"Yes. Now if you don't mind, I believe you have some time to serve in the brig." She was on her feet and gesturing toward the door.

"I don't think so," Chakotay said firmly. "I didn't go to all this trouble just to find out Q's motivations."

"I answered your question," Kathryn said pointedly, hands on her hips.

"I have more."

She sunk back into the chair and dropped her chin to rest in her hand. "What then?"

Chakotay leaned forward. "Kathryn, you were so upset, so unlike yourself. Why?"

"Q was forcing me to kill someone, and then that someone threatened to kill me instead," she answered irritably. "How was I supposed to act?"

Fair point. But Chakotay knew it went deeper than that. Otherwise she'd have talked to him about it days ago. "How did Q force you? What happened during his first visit?"

Her hesitation and stiffening of shoulders told Chakotay he was on the right track. "He threatened me."

Chakotay frowned somewhat as he watched her move a finger along the side of her face. Normally such an action wouldn't catch his attention, but she was doing it backwards. Jaw to temple instead of the other way around. She'd never done that before.

"How?"

"Why do you need to know, Chakotay?" She'd shifted to a distrustful position.

"Because you're not alright. And I need to help you get better. You had a traumatic experience. There's not a counselor on this ship. Who else are you going to talk to?" He didn't mean to let his voice rise.

"I don't need to talk to anyone."

"You can't see how broken you've become. If anything else happens, you'll shatter. I know it pains you to talk about these things, but a little hurt now will make you stronger in the long run."

Kathryn didn't respond. Instead she looked steadfastly at the stars beyond the viewport. Her hackles were raised now. He needed to change his approach.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Chakotay left the couch to kneel directly in front of her chair. With one movement, he brought both her hands to join his in her lap. "Kathryn. How did he threaten you?"

It still wasn't enough. She refused to look at him, though she allowed him to hold her hands. "I find it extremely presumptuous for you to assume that fixing me is either your responsibility or within your abilities. If I'm broken, I would think I'd be the one that has to do the repairing."

Oh. He was silent for a full minute before he could think of something he could say that wouldn't offend her.

"Q threatened me too."

That got her attention. She met his gaze with a sharp intake of breath and a raised brow.

"He trapped me in the turbolift when I was going down to check on you, after that first encounter you had. It was one of the worst moments of my life."

"What happened?"

"He was you. Lying on the ground, bleeding. Dying." His voice cracked over the last word.

"What?"

"He said you were in danger and the only way to save you was to offer to die."

Silence as she considered that for a moment. "So that's why you did it. That twisted, manipulative bastard."

"He told me not to tell you about it at peril of your life."

She closed her eyes. "After what ended up happening, I guess I'm glad you listened."

"I would've done it, Kathryn, if you'd needed me to," Chakotay said solemnly.

"Done what?"

"Die."

Her hands tightened in his grip.

"If only everyone was as dedicated to their captain."

Oh no. He wasn't going to allow her to shrink from her feelings with lame humor. "I didn't do it because you're my captain. But you already know that."

Her eyes shifted away from his. "Yes, I do."

"What happened with Q?"

"The same thing."

He brushed his thumbs along the backs of her hands. "Tell me about it."

"He didn't tell me what he wanted. Not at first. He just…he just proved that he had me in the palm of his hand."

"How?"

"He used you. In no uncertain terms, he told me he would kill you unless I did him a favor. He was serious, Chakotay. I tried to stand up for myself, and you ended up in sickbay."

The clenching of her hands had grown painful, but he didn't pull away.

"I put everyone on the ship in danger…again! All because I couldn't…couldn't stand the thought of…of being without you." A tear trickled from her eye. She used her shoulders to wipe it away rather than release Chakotay's hands.

There it was. The true underlying cause of her distress.

"You're not weak, Kathryn. You wouldn't have let Q kill a single member of your crew."

"It's different with you. My emotions got the better of me. I acted irrationally. Things could have been handled so much better."

"Love does that."

Her hands stiffened. She was so close to dismissing him, he could see the words forming in her throat. That wouldn't do at all. So he stopped them coming by quickly but softly placing his lips over hers.

It lasted only an instant. He pulled back after the briefest contact and waited for the blows to fall. They never did.

He watched her with deep concern. Her lip trembled. She seemed to have stopped breathing. A quivering hand slipped from his grasp and came to rest on his chest. It didn't push him away, but it was a sort of barrier nonetheless. Something she needed.

He noticed the awkward position reaching up for the kiss had brought him into. One knee was perched beside her, and he was effectively trapping her in the seat. He slid back to the floor. The hand on his chest stayed in place, but it tensed.

Chakotay awaited her response.


	13. The Resolution

"Love does that."

No. Janeway was not going to have that conversation. But before she could tell him off, he was kissing her. Well, it was hardly more than a peck but still more than had ever happened before. And nothing at all like the passionate display with R a few days previous.

She was completely dumbstruck when he pulled away. Should she slap him? Should she call security? Should she kiss him back?

A hand on his chest was all she managed. She wasn't sure if it was there to push him away or just feel the warmth of his racing heart.

He moved away from her. Where did he think he was going? She followed him possessively with her hand. It was poised to clutch his jacket and drag him back to her, but she didn't complete the action. There would be no more kissing. Not tonight. Not ever. Well, maybe someday, but not on Voyager. Not in the Delta Quadrant.

"Chakotay." She'd meant to sound exasperated, but instead her voice was breathy. Great.

Chakotay took her hand by the wrist and moved it from his chest. "I'm sorry." The kiss he pressed to her palm said otherwise.

She had the sudden urge to grab his chin ad pull it toward her so she could reach his lips again. She quashed it with mentally resounding 'No, stop that!'

"It's time for you to go."

Chakotay obediently released her wrist and stood up. He collected her combadge from the couch. "As soon as my Vulcan escort gets here," he said smiling.

She was grateful for his humor. It was far less awkward for him to leave with a few friendly jibes than in silence.

"I think the brig deserves a rest for now. But next time you interrupt my bath, I won't be so lenient."

"Next time? Would it count as an interruption if I schedule an appointment first?"

She rolled her eyes. "Out!"

"Aye, aye, Captain." He saluted impudently before exiting.

Janeay rubbed both hands down her face before bringing them together over her mouth.

They'd been able to back away after New Earth. Been able to stay "just friends" after many emotionally intimate experiences. They'd controlled themselves for seven years, dammit. But could they ever go back to normal after a kiss?

She didn't sleep that night. She kept arguing with herself about protocol and regulations. About relationships dynamics and crew morale. About consequences and heartbreak. It was a familiar argument. She'd had it with herself countless times before. But this time her heart was winning.

That fact both exhilarated and terrified her.

What was she most afraid of?

Protocol was just a front. An excuse. There weren't any direct rules against this sort of thing, just soft recommendations.

Heartbreak? Well, she knew Chakotay at least returned her feelings. There could be a falling out along the road, and they'd not be able to escape from each other's presence. But the potential for awkwardness in the future was far outweighed by the potential for lasting happiness. At least, it did when she was being honest. And it wasn't as if they hadn't fallen out before. They always managed to come back together.

Crew morale? Half the crew thought the command team was already involved. If anything they'd welcome the news. And the relationship didn't have to be publicized at all, really. It could be, well, not a secret exactly but something personal. So what her crew would think wasn't the problem either.

What she was truly the most afraid of was how the relationship would affect her work. It wasn't that she didn't think they could keep their professional and private lives separate. She was certain they could. It was more about how a relationship would cloud her judgment in a crisis.

And she realized now that her biggest fear was irrelevant. Even outside of a relationship, her feelings for Chakotay already had heavy sway on what she did. Q had gone to some lengths to prove it. But Q had also said something instructive that she'd forgotten about until her heart stubbornly prodded it forward in her mind.

_"It won't be a decision so easy as Chuckles or the crew. I know your answer for that one. You're too predictable with all your principles."_

Her most poignant arguing point didn't seem to hold water anymore.

So what was holding her back? Why deny herself that happiness?

* * *

When she saw him on the bridge the next morning, her heart behaved erratically. Worthless organ. But she'd made up her mind somewhere between 300 and 400 hours. Of course, since then, she'd waffled back and forth a couple dozen times, but at her core, her heart's decision won out.

If Chakotay pursued a relationship between them, this time, she would allow it. If he kissed her again, she'd kiss back. But it was up to him.

He was already leaning over the console between their chairs before she'd settled completely into the captain's seat.

She felt a pang of annoyance followed by embarrassment. What would the crew think? It only took a split second after the thought to feel supremely silly. They wouldn't think anything. Chakotay wasn't about to make some affectionate show on the bridge. They talked over the console all the time. This was completely ordinary.

"I'm sorry we didn't finish our conversation last night. It was supposed to be about you finding peace, and I'm afraid I changed the subject drastically." His voice was low so no one else could hear even though his words were perfectly tame. "I was wondering if we could finish over dinner. It is Friday after all, and we missed last week."

"Of course. I look forward to it." And she meant it. Mostly.

As infuriating as being forced into talking about things had been, she had found a measure of relief in it. It was comforting to have Chakotay listen. And to have him care so much about her wellbeing. But baring her soul was less appealing. The night could be potentially very dreary.

Then again, if they were going to have a relationship, there'd have to be honesty. It would be much harder to hide in her shell and ignore personal problems with Chakotay there to try and fix them. Bless him. What a well-meaning idiot. She loved him.

For the first time in a while, Janeway was able to truly relax on the bridge.

* * *

Waiting for Chakotay drove Janeway nearly into a panic. She had so many expectations for the evening. And on the other hand, there were so many fears. Yes, she wanted to be open with him, let him in, but she didn't exactly relish the idea of picking at her mental wounds.

There was no way she could stomach dinner. Maybe she should cancel. Her hand was on her combadge when the door chimed.

"Come in," she said after taking a deep breath.

Chakotay walked in wearing a huge smile and bearing a large bowl. She was momentarily calmed.

"Good to see you've remembered the polite way to enter my quarters," she said with a crooked smile. She gestured at the bowl. "What's that?"

"Salad. I wanted to ensure there was at least one edible thing on the table tonight."

She threw a cloth napkin at him. "I'll have you know the garlic bread is divine." With a sneaky shrug she added, "But the pasta might be a little chewy."

"I look forward to it."

They began the meal much as they always had. A few comments about ship gossip, thoughts on their progress that week, a few anecdotes of the more amusing interactions they'd had lately. But the conversation was approaching critical at warp speed.

"I proposed this dinner so we could talk about you," Chakotay said after he'd picked the last few noodles from his plate. "But before we do, I have something else to discuss."

Janeway dabbed at her mouth with her napkin and tried to remain casual, but her heart pounded with apprehension. "So do I. I wouldn't be surprised if it's the same thing."

"It's good to know we're on the same page at least some of the time." He cleared his throat before continuing. "You know how I feel about you. You've known for years. You established boundaries, and I respected them until last night. I'm not sorry for what I did, but I am sorry that you were uncomfortable."

"You're right. I did put up barriers, and I was uncomfortable, but I'm not sorry you did it either," she said quietly. "After the hellish week I've been through, not to mention years of untapped potential, it was just the thing I needed." She leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. It took a substantial amount of willpower to keep talking. "I've had to evaluate our relationship a lot lately. Mostly because R thrust it upon me.

"What?"

"When R pulled me into a trance the first time, it was because he took my form and argued about you. He spent a long time trying to convince me how wonderful our life could be together. I was putty in his hands when he played the final card."

"Let me guess. He turned into me."

"When you held me back, stopped me from walking straight into his clutches, you were keeping me from finally falling into your loving embrace. Or so it seemed to me." She was surprised at how easy it was to talk about it. After she'd gotten over the initial anxiety, it all just proceeded naturally. She wasn't even embarrassed.

Chakotay was a very easy person to talk to. That's why she'd been able to share with him in the past.

"And when you went to finish him, when you kissed him, it was—"

"You again."

Chakotay took a moment to digest the information. With a sad turn to his eyes, he said, "You were delusional."

"True. But R was playing on real feelings. Real secret hopes. That's why he was so dangerous. And that's why the experience was so devastating."

The table between them was too much. She reached for his hand and led him to sit beside her on the couch. With an arm around her shoulders, he held her close.

"I can't even begin to imagine how hard all of it was—is—for you. Hell, Kathryn, I don't think I could go a day in your shoes under normal circumstances."

She let out a sigh of mirth and leaned her head against his shoulder. They hadn't specifically talked about a relationship yet that night, but it was easy to act as if they had. The physical contact was second nature to them both.

He went on speaking. "When R spoke to me, it was with your voice."

"Fantastic. We have the same weakness: each other," Janeway said, waving an arm emphatically between them.

"I told you last night, it's not a weakness."

"I'm trying to believe you." She unconsciously ran a finger along her "lick line."

"Why do you do that all of the sudden? You've never done it before." Chakotay's question startled her with its intensity.

"Do what?"

"Touch your face like that." He brushed a knuckle over her cheekbone for emphasis.

She stiffened and jerked her head away.

"Kathryn?" He clasped her hand as if to prevent her fleeing entirely.

She bit her lip before admitting, "Q."

Chakotay scooted away from her so he could angle himself to better look into her eyes. Their knees touched and he kept a hold on her hand. He squeezed it gently to invite her to explain.

"That first time. He laid out his threats. I told him I wouldn't be blackmailed. He said it wasn't blackmail. He said he owned me. Then to prove his point, he licked me. From here," she demonstrated with a wavering finger, "to here."

Chakotay looked murderous but she wasn't finished.

"He'd put me in a sort of stasis, so I couldn't move, but I was so… so…" She couldn't pick a word so she left it up for interpretation. "I wouldn't have been able to move anyway." Damn these tears. Where had they come from? "Ever since, it's been my own private tattoo of shame."

Chakotay's eyes softened from rage to empathy. "Permission to kiss it better?"

Janeway couldn't help but let out a teary laugh. "Granted."

He took the task very seriously. First he positioned a hand on either side of her head, just behind her ears, to hold her steady. Then he carefully placed a tender kiss all along the side of her face.

Janeway's mind couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry so she settled on a mixture that left tears in her eyes but a broad smile on her lips.

When Chakotay finished his trail of kisses, he brushed her tears away and kissed her mouth. She returned it the best she could, but they had to separate before long because she was laughing too hard to continue.

"What?" Chakotay asked with a bemused expression.

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder while she struggled to rein in her amusement. "It's really not funny," she said through giggles. "I don't know why I'm laughing at all."

"Tell me, please," he urged.

With a hand over her mouth, she looked into his eyes. "Well it's just… Q licked me to show ownership in the first place. And now you've kissed me in the same way, and I can't help but think you were really the one owning me the whole time. Not that you own me, I'm not an object, but… Well, I do seem to belong to you." She was rambling and it made her laugh more.

"You're right. It's not funny," Chakotay said. "But I like it. Sort of." He tried to kiss her cheek but caught her ear instead as she buckled over in a fresh fit of mirth. "You're insane."

She sobered almost immediately. "I'm here with you aren't I?"

Chakotay gave her a little shove. She returned it and began chuckling again.

"So is this us now?" he asked before pulling her onto his lap.

She traced his tattoo with one finger and brushed his lips with her thumb. "If you'd like. We have some more talking to do. Several things to figure out. But they can probably wait a while longer."

"A while?"

"At least until after you've kissed me properly."

Chakotay grinned wolfishly. "Like this?"

She barely had enough time to take a breath before he enthusiastically complied.

The End

* * *

**A/N: **Goodness. Consider these my acknowledgements.

First, a million thanks to my bossy-face, slave-driver of a beta: Jesser. Seriously. Without this girl, this story would be pathetic. I came to her with merely the first chapter and the question "What does Q want?" and zero ideas. You have her to thank for all chapters from Chakotay's point of view. You also have her to thank for basically everything. She's brilliant and she spent a lot of time helping me sort out plot difficulties (especially at the end when I wanted to give up and let Janeway run away with Q and become the queen of the universe.) And also she helped me write "much more betterly." So brava, Jesser. (Any mistakes you see are evidence of me being stubborn and ignoring her.)

Now thanks oodles to all you readers. Reviews make me feel positively giddy, and seeing that people are actually reading the slop I put out makes me want to write more. Haha. So don't you worry, I have several more stories in mind and one under construction.

And remember, if you have any comments, please feel free to toss them at me.

**Author out.**


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